Background: This is from a story called "All The Promises I Wish I Could Make", which is about a person (I haven't decided on the gender yet lol) who one day soon-ish is going to forget their entire life and be a whole new person. They are an INTJ-T, in case you're wondering. It's... a key character-development moment. To the west, the silent, sparkling cosmos swirls in the sky, an ocean so much deeper than bottomless. To the east, the sunrise fades into being in colors beyond color, healing music shrouded in silence— making visible the invisible shades of color that have always been everywhere. In the quiet, gentle light of the sun’s birth, everything is transformed. The birds in the sky become fish in a river of air still heavy with the velvet of the night sky. The droplets of rain reflect it and become infinitesimal worlds where there is nothing but this light, destined only to last for the blink of an eye. And this pain that I carry with me everywhere becomes… wonder. Am I dreaming? This is a question that, like so many others, I cannot answer. A question that, like so many others, I never will answer. I wonder if it is possible to ask yourself such a thing in a dream. Can a fool wonder if they are a fool? Or can only a wise person ponder an impossible question? Yet even as I ask myself whether my eyes see what is really there, I realize I have the answer to another question— one I never knew I was asking all along. The beauty of that realization bringing me to tears as life-giving as the water that this world so abounds in, the water that used to be so pure until it became like the intentions of the people who poisoned it. I have grappled with so many unanswerable questions in these months of heartbreak and emotion and whispers of hope. In the words I write in my journal, I have accepted and embraced them, but what a different story I have told in the language that cannot be translated. In the core of my being I have attempted to fight the ocean, attempted to cling to snowflakes. I have wordlessly cursed the universe behind a brave smile and cheerful chitchat. The true me is an airtight world sealed within a world, like those childhood fantasies of a secret portal hidden in the garden. But that storm of raw pain— the only force strong enough to shape a world— finally broke me, and now peace is flowing in through the cracks to cool the fire, the destruction of my happiness resolving to ashes- the ashes of everything I treasured nurturing a garden of hope. I think of how broken the world is, a brokenness born of so many broken promises. So many people promised always to remember their values, and power led them to forget. So many people promised always to listen, and ego led them to do nothing but talk. So many people promised to choose respect, and hatred led them to choose violence. So many people promised to leave the world better than they found it, and apathy led them to leave it worse. And so many more people broke their promises simply because they didn’t know it was possible to keep one. And I think of all the promises I wish I could make. I wish I could promise never to forget, but I can’t. I wish I could promise to try so many things, but I can’t. I wish I could promise always to be there, but I can’t. Is there even one promise I can make? I can promise to see that questions are perhaps the deepest form of beauty- temporary yet the only expression of permanence in a universe that simply cannot be understood........ ........ And, just for this one moment, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. My whole being calm, my tears spent, I soak in the sunlight that fills the margin between today and tomorrow until it’s gone. Soo yeah. That's it! My best piece of writing.
