I decided I'd explain some of what's going on So I went to go see a psychiatrist after far too long and I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I'm taking medication for it now and I'm supposed to start going to therapy. I don't think the medication is helping, it might be making things worse but I can't tell, I decided just to wait it out and see if it improves. For at least six months now I've slowly been losing most my emotions, I didn't feel sympathy or empathy, I didn't feel sadness, I didn't get mad, I laughed at things a lot but I didn't feel that joy for more than a few seconds before it was back to nothing. I started slipping out of reality and wondering if I was really there, I lost motivation and joy for everything, I felt like I was lying to absolutely everyone 24/7 even if I wasn't. I tried to help people but it felt like I was lying to them or only saying what I thought was right. My thoughts were either nothing at all or just calling myself bad names and saying I should run away or end it all, which got to the point I didn't even care anymore, it didn't make me feel bad. I'd done pretty regrettable things trying to cope with it before I just gave up altogether. My mother says I was moments away from a psychotic break, which probably would've led to me being hospitalized. Anyway, I'm trying to get outside more and just be around people, which is why I haven't been active, and school is starting so I'll be gone a lot. That's about it. Also, I think I offended most of my online friends, if so I'm sorry.
