[Tiny vent and quick vent artwork]

Instructions

I’m not doing extremely good rn. It may just be hormones or something, so please don’t worry too much, okay? You probably scrolled down here because you want to hear the vent. I guess it’s only fair if you really want to know. Well I just realized something. I frown back on my past self, but I’m just as bad as I was when I was 10, if not worse. Back 1 and a half years ago when I was about 10 3/4, I had my first real account on scratch. I was actually an art thief and recolorer(one who gave credit, but it’s still bad even without credit), but I slowly started making my own art. It was really bad, but I thought that just because I did “good” art, I deserved all the followers in the world. I did F4F because I was stupid enough to actually care. I had very few friends and I was so clingy to one of them. I was a toxic jerk and I was too rude to realize I was being a jerk. I left the account due to personal reasons. And then, back towards the beginning of quarantine, I was desperate to change. I developed a new artstyle, moved to the account @TheoreticallyYellow, and shaved half of my head. And the something else happened. I don’t really wanna talk about it. I don’t even like thinking about it. I can’t wear one of my favorite hoodies without feeling at least a bit sad because of it. Let’s just say I must have really hurt a girl’s feelings because I was lying to her. I still don’t know what to do about it. I ended up getting grounded because of it and I blocked her, but I think about it and feel guilty every day. And on the account, I was a jerk who had terrible art and constantly wanted attention. I tried drawing things that I didn’t feel like drawing, just so that I could get popular. I tried drawing furries and anthros because it was the thing that a lot of artists got popular for, even though I feel more comfortable drawing humans and I enjoy drawing them more. (Nothing against furry and anthro artists, I just personally feel more accustomed to drawing humans.) I left the account yet again. Now I feel I’ve become even worse. Just posting this vent makes me feel horrible, even though I’m just writing down my feelings so I can try to cope. I’ve evolved into a volatile and rude person. I have short outbursts where I yell and get angry that I regret practically minutes later, but I can’t stop doing. And sometimes I come off as a bit rude and selfish, especially when talking to people. I don’t like being like this, but I don’t change. When I change, it’s only seeing more flaws. Thanks for coming to my TED talk...