- vent -

Instructions

aha another vent ik ;-; -----------------------------possible tw--------------------------------- but basically this song explains it, i have really bad depression and anxiety an it's been getting worse lately, i take medicine for it and it helped for a month or two but it's now coming back and it's hitting hard, and if i bring it up to my doctor, she's just going to give me a higher dose of my medicine, even though i'm already taking almost 100mg. i brought it up to my mom and she just shrugged it off, which hurt me so bad bc i harm when i'm not in the right head space. what's worse is that i've been dealing with depression since around 9? 8? years old and i've always suppressed my feelings to cry since i never wanted to explain why to my mom or brother, and now i can't even cry when i want, need too. i only cry when i have panic attacks or when i'm trying to talk to my mom about me (she's the main cause of my mental issues). (also this part might be a bit tmi, but i need to vent so read on with caution? ig, but if you don't wanna read i'll put a bunch of "~" to where i stop talking about it) what's adding on to all of this is that it's that time of the month for me.. which it shouldn't be bc im talking medicine for it, it's been this way for almost a whole month and a half and again i told my mom and she's not taking any notice of it. but because of this my hormones are everywhere and i just wanna crawl in a ditch and cry myself to sleep, even though i can't cry, or sleep :') ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ but this place is my only safe place, i don't have any contact to anyone because i had gotten grounded for having a partner (they used to identify as female as long as me when we first started dating) so my mom screamed at me and i had a panic attack that lasted almost a day and i didn't sleep that night, my mom has grounded me from any "chats" or any way to talk to anyone, she also grounded me from going to actual school so i can't talk to anyone. she doesn't know i'm on scratch and that's the main reason why i joined because i wanted an escape from me and my life and it's worked so far and i'm so grateful for anyone who has interacted with me in the past few days ilysmm <33 if you read this far thank you, i really needed it, for someone to listen, i'm sorry if this didn't make much since but i just needed to let it out, i already feel better after typing all this and i might add on if i feel the need to