sometimes it feels like i'm trapped. in this sort of realm inside my brain. i talk to myself. pull my hair out in stress. have mental breakdowns. cry. scream. yelp. nothing works. my mother thinks i need a therapist. honestly, i think it won't help. i keep everything bottled up. i won't say anything. i won't do anything. why? why won't i speak? why won't i just say it? why can't i take all this weight off my shoulders? why must i overwork myself? stress myself? take myself to the point of no return? i don't vent to that many people. in all honesty, in my whole life, i've only vented to 2 people: my big sister and my best friend. i tried venting to my twin. what happened there? she fell asleep. when i vented to my best friend? she helped me out, gave me cookies, hugged me when i had mental breakdowns in the middle of health because i was looking at a failed test in math. she helped me. and in all honesty, i think she's the only one who can help me now. i don't have her number. just noah's and jason's. i don't want them to worry about me. they have their own problems. why add mine? plus, my parents look at our messages, even deleted ones. we have no privacy, no escape room. i just need my best friend. i just wanna go to school again. i need her. i just need to talk to someone other than my family.
sorry for all of that. if you read it. i just need to get this off my chest.
