. . . Lately, I... I've just been... very overwhelmed... Not knowing what to do, like there's something I want, but I can't quite grasp it... Failing to put words together into sentences, looking like a fool when I open my mouth... I keep looking for someone to spend time with... to roleplay, or just talk... But I just... I can't be social without causing problems... I feel like I weigh everyone down... I feel like I'm a burden, that I take more than I give... As much as I want to help... to be there for my friends, to give back to those who've given to me... to make it seem like all of this was worth it... I can't... I've been so confused, not knowing where I'm going... my head spins when I try to speak with someone else... I've come so close to crying so many times... I've had an anxiety attack at least twice in the past two days... I... honestly fail to comprehend why I'm here... what I'm supposed to do, where my place is... I've been searching for my place among others for so long, but... I haven't really felt like I had a place in years... not since I lost Fluffy... I always cry just thinking about her... Everything feels so empty, like... I'm just... slowly fading into another world, where nobody else is there... just... silence... I've let stress get to me too many times, but... I can't help it... I have to do the things that stress me out, or there'll be consequences... I may get in trouble, I may lose what friends I still have... but I'm not really good enough for the friends I have now, they're such kind people and I'm just... I don't even know what I am... I've questioned my place in this world for so long, but I've never done anything about it... all things considered, the only option I've seen so far is to remove myself from the picture... there's only so much room for people, so much a person can take... But... I don't want that option... that's not my path... not yet, at least... But then... what is...? . . . I... guess I'll find out eventually... hopefully, I can make it that long... but for now, I just need a break... a break from everything I've done the past year... For so long, I've been so afraid of silence, but... now it's kind of welcoming... comforting...
