Sort of a meme. Body, face shape, this on each side, and hands by: @soxxiety READ NOTES AND CREDITS
I feel this song describes my life so much. I used to have a lot of friends, but I pushed them all away and burned bridges. I feel mad at myself. How I made rash decisions and lost both of my closest friends. I feel really guilty too. And hate myself for being a huge jerk to the people closest to me. I may seem like a really nice person on scratch but that's only because I don't know many of you very well,I'm glad you still support me but I don't feel I deserve all these follows. I used to be a really good person. I think it all went downhill starting in 4th grade. In 4th grade I had a teacher who seemed to dislike me very much. He would tell my I'm not good enough, he would tell me he's disappointed in me, he would tell me i never out enough effort into my homework even when I stressed out about it every night. In 5th grade things got better, and then worse. I got into a really popular friend group. Everyone liked me. Until... me and one of the friends in the friend group started arguing with each other. I had eventually had enough of her weeks later and ended up kicking her in the shin so hard she started bleeding. Boy was that an embarassing day. Moving on the entire friendgroup just dumped me into a trash can and left me there. My popularity status completely faded, therefore I was a scum. This one girl was my friend, in fact we're still friends to this day. Her name is Evie. She was one of the best friends I could ever have. I ended up pushing her away a few times and before we became friends I would brush past her mumbling something like "shkfihoehlb" but we're friends now. 6th grade was better-ish. I got into a friend group who actually accepted me for who I am. And they became my three closest and most treasured friends. We got along well. Later that year I met one of Evie's friends. His name is Jack. He would be really mean. In fact he's been really mean to another one of my friends named Kale. But this time instead of burning the bridge between Jack and I, I decided to ghost him instead. And if he wanted to hang out I would just say I'm busy. But in sixth grade things were going really well. Besides a few arguments with friends and a boyfriend who said he didn't care if I was lonely trash. But that was fine, I had my two best friends with me and that was all that really mattered to me. Now, 7th grade... That's when things went insane... So, things were going well at first. Everyone was getting along. But since we could only use chat, comments were misread and arguments would go off left and right. It was only between me, and two other people in the friend group. It was like the friendship was a minefield. Eventually I made another rash decision and cut off one of my best friends straight-up because he did something that unsettled me, but... did he really? His brother told me he did something but... he might have been framing him. I feel bad for believing his brother over him. I wanted to apologize and be friends again... But it was too late by then. Eventually he started insulting me. Whenever I chose to speak to him anyways, he wouldn't do it out of the blue. Still though. But moving on things were going well without him. My other best friend and I were doing just fine until... I had a crush on her. She had a little one on me too. We were crushes for a day and then she wated to be with someone else, which I was originally ok with. But... the second they got together I felt hurt and made more rash decisions and pushed my closest and bestest (yes I know that's not a word) friend away. I regret it so much. And now we're not aloud to say a word to each other. So I can't fix anything. I've been carrying so much guilt with me. Plus there's the fact I recently broke up with my boyfriend and he clutched his heart, walked away, kicked a pile of snow since it snowed recently, told himself to keep it together, kicked more snow and then left. I haven't seen him since. I feel so guilty since I've hurt so many people. I don't know what to do about it now. I've lost the people I loved the most, and I've hurt so many people. I don't know what to do anymore.... The best friend I unfriended first, he'll ignore me and said he'll never forgive me. While the other... well her mom said she's not aloud to speak to me or be friends with me again. Because I'm really toxic. I cried in the shower yesterday and I've never done that before. I feel so much guilt... So much. And I can't get over it. I don't know what to do now... I don't know...
