Please don't be a hiatus update it's not :) you know what this also is? It's not a vent, nor a rant! an explanation! That's what it is! So I've been overreacting, overexpressing,,, In short, I won't stop talking about my hiatus. I'm sugarcoating it. It's time y'all knew the truth :) So I am an envious person! I've recently discovered I have a big problem with it! Not good!! With that jealousy, there comes comparison- I find that I cannot draw without comparing my art in some way. I hate it lol So basically what this adds up to, is that I'm always comparing myself. I started comparing myself to certain people, and I've /said/ this before, I specifically envy one person in particular- Now I've said I wouldn't call them out, but for you guys to understand better, their user is @StarredSky So yeah, I think of them as more than an idol, literally more than a legend- they have the style I've been longing for, they have the art and animation I've only dreamed of, and yet, I have to compare myself. As you can see, or at least /I/ see, my style is legit morphing into theirs! I'm screaming at myself to change it but I like,, can't lol!! I've had it for too long :') so now I'm doomed to criticize myself for my style looking too much like theirs it sucks And even If I make something not SUPER SIMILAR it looks bad so I don't share it and when I don't share anything or do anything, I'm slowly becoming inactive on scratch! So I take a hiatus yeah sure, it'll be for a couple months suree Yea, I am a perfectionist, if you haven't noticed! I don't want to be one! That has actually led me to learn art wrong. I start digital art around March, find an original style, /hate/ it, and stay up all night trying to CHANGE it. not fun and so, I finally get a new style, I change it everysingleday a tiny bit, then about a month later, I hold up my hands, and admit once more, "this sUCKS" lol So I do it AGAIn and so on, and so on. So now I have this ongoing "inconsistent style problem" This "envy problem" and this "Similarity problem", you squish them all together, and you get this. Endless hiatus updates, isolating myself by unfollowing everyone, calling my art overrated,, and stopping myself from doing fun stuff with my art. Also, although I'm a positive person, I tend to insult my art a lot!! I will say this not to put myself down, but to say the truth- I can't design, and my art is mediocre. I'm fine with that! I use that to learn! But I never learn :) lol so I'm trying to find sOME way to get out of this cage, and that'll take a while, y'know? So that's why I'm taking this big hiatus, the REAL reason :)
