I wish I didn't have to grow up. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Things are getting too complicated and I don't think I can find a way to ease my mind. Endlessly spiraling with thought, it is working itself into a black hole of anxiety. My brothers have it so well that I feel like I will never be able to be truly happy. My older brother is so lucky to have such great relationships with his friends. They have silly nicknames for each other and they hang out and have fun all the time. My younger brother has such an uncomplicated life. His only worry is homework. I, on the other hand, am constantly bursting with anxiety. About school. About friends. About family. About being happy. And about my future. I can't find a way to do something I enjoy, mostly because I don't enjoy a lot of things in life. I wish I could bring happiness upon myself, but I don't think I am capable of it. My friends are all breaking off from me. My best friend from 1st grade and I are having trouble not being awkward around each other. Another friend from 3rd grade is going off with other people that I can't be around without being stiff and uncomfortable, just like another friend did not too long ago. Two others are so far away from me and I never get to see or hear from them. My friend that I like to hang out with a lot is gone from me too. I don't get to see her or really talk with her that often. So that just leaves my newest friend and her friends. I don't feel really close to them either, so I'm pretty much on my own. My family is hard to be with because they all seem to be annoyed with me and I have so many more problems than they do, so it's hard to relate to them. In school I have to worry about my grades and turning things in on time for every assignment and I don't feel like I belong. I'm a lot dumber than the rest of the kids there. I don't have anything else to enjoy about life. I don't have any hobbies or things I like to do and I can't even get out of the house half the time. I don't know what my future is going to look like and now I'm nervous for the rest of my life because right now isn't going well. I hope it gets better soon… I wish everything was better… I have made a few new friends at my new school, but I am so worried and completely stressing about neglecting my other friends that moved up 2 this Jr high with me too. I have lost almost all my other friends, but I have 1 rlly good friend that I rlly don't want 2 hurt in the way one of the other "friends" that left me did. I'm completely stressing out about it. Also I have had a rlly bad day and I feel so stupid that I'm not being myself anymore. I feel more comfortable with being alone and I always have, but now I feel like I'm becoming someone else. I feel different around new people, in a way that makes me feel weird and uncomfortable. I am more clumsy and forget things more easily. And finally, I feel weird around people I used 2 be comfortable with. 4 example I had a cousin who I was rlly close with and now it's like we're complete strangers. My life is going so wrong… I'm never going to be able to find happiness. Ugh I wish I didn't have to deal with it. I also have sensory issues, which don't help 1 bit. They make it so I have trouble with different tastes, textures, and sounds that most people aren't bothered by. So that makes me overwhelmed by so many things, especially sounds and being around lots and lots of people. Social interactions are so difficult. I hate my life… Ugh. A list of all my problems: Anxiety Depression Fear Sensory Issues Getting Easily Frustrated Forgetfulness Dark Thoughts Introvertedness Uncontrollable Emotions Lack of Hope Feeling bad about myself Life is 2 complicated...
