These were funny

Instructions

Ryan: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Ren will and will not eat. Cookie: Grass? Yes! Ryan: Moss? Yes!! Cookie: Leaves? Ohh, yes! Ryan: Shoelaces? Strange but true! Cookie: Worms? Sometimes! Ryan: Rocks? Usually nah. Cookie: Twigs? Usually! Ryan: Ari's cooking? Inconclusive! Jules: How did you… test this? Ryan: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if they eat it, they eat it. Jules: ... I don’t know how to feel about this. Ari: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT? ------ Ren: Bye Jules! Bye Ari! Bye Cookie! Bye Ryan! Bye Jules! Ari: You said ‘bye Jules’ twice. Ren: I like Jules. ------ Ren: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Ryan: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Cookie: I recorded the dumb stuff. Jules: I joined in on the dumb stuff. Ari: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!! ------ Ren: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends. Jules: ... Your what? Ren: My friends. Ari: Are they saying “friends”? Cookie: I think they're being sarcastic. Ryan: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Ren! All of your friends are in this room. Ren: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks. ------ Ryan: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Jules: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Ryan: Three of us saw it, Jules. How do you explain that? Jules: *points at Ari* Sleep deprivation. *points at Cookie* Paranoia. *points at Ren* Delusional personality disorder. ------ Ren: That's it, we're gonna go out and find what we need! Cookie: To the city? Ren: Yeah, no matter what! Ryan: Well- How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly? Ren: I... I don't know! Jules: Oh come off it, be serious! Ren: I am serious! Jules: You're insane! Ari: Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved! Everyone: Ren: What??? Ari: Or maybe it was a basset hound! Jules, panicked: YOU'RE ALL INSANE! ------ Ren, Jules, and Cookie are sitting on a bench Ari: Why do you guys look so sad? Ren: Sit down with us so we can tell you. *Ari sits down* Jules: The bench is freshly painted. ------ Jules: Ren, I'm sad. Ren: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay. Cookie: Ryan, I'm sad. Ryan, nodding: mood. ------ Jules: Dammit, Ren! Ren: What?! It wasn’t me! Jules: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Cookie! Cookie: Not me either. Jules: Oh...Then who set the house on fire? Ryan: *whistles* ------ Jules: Hah! 69! You know what that means? Ren: What? Cookie: That you're a child. Ryan: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!? ------ Jules: Is stabbing someone immoral? Ryan: Not if they consent to it. Ren: Depends who you’re stabbing. Cookie: YES?!? ------ Cookie: *Screams* Ren: *Screams louder to assert dominance* Jules: Should we do something?! Ryan, observing: No, I want to see who wins this. ------ Jules: You know those things will kill you, right? Ryan, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point. Cookie, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process. Ren: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough* ------ Jules: Wake me up… Ren: Before you go go! Cookie: When September ends… Ryan: WAKE ME UP INSIDE- ------ *Jules is cooking* Ren: Any chance that’s for me? Jules: It’s for Ryan. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need him on my side. Cookie: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment. ------ Cookie: Ren isn’t answering their phone Jules: I’ll call Cookie: Ryan and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi- Ren: Hello? ------ Jules: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. Ren: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! Cookie: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Ryan: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Jules: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands. ------ Jules: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three- Jules and Ren, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks! Cookie: Our turn, Ryan! One, two, three- vanilla! Ryan, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake ------ Ryan: Care for another sundae, weenie? Cookie: I am not a weenie! Jules: Relax, you’re among friends. *raises their drink* Cookie: My friends don’t hang out at Weenie Hut Jr’s. Ren: You tell ‘em, Cookie! *sips their drink* Ren: Ryan, what’re you doing here? Ren: I’m always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays ----- Cookie: *Gently taps table* Ren: *Taps back* Jules: What are they doing? Ryan: Morse code. Cookie: *Aggressively taps table* Ren: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK- ------ this is what happens when you allow the sleep-deprived wall-breaker to get their hands on incorrect quotes.