Hiatus: yeah i gotta go on another hiatus. This time I don't want to but my parents are on my case about school, and im stressed and depressed :sigh: so yeah. I won't be able to draw, so any trades that I have will have to be postponed, although I will do them as quickly as possible and as soon as I can. Sorry. I have no idea when I'll be back, but I hopefully will be back in a few weeks. Vent: This morning my advisory teacher called my mom, who called my dad, who then started yelling at me. Like I couldn't talk because he wouldn't let me. He doesnt care. All he cares about is that im not embarrassing him. He thinks im such a dissappointment. Before covid i was a straight A student. he loved that. now look at me. pathetic. failing. most of my grades are low Cs or high Ds. Im trying so hard to keep them at even a C+ and I just can't. Im so tired. Im tired of the way my parents approach me about my grades. Im tired of the amount of work my teachers assign. Im tired of being sleep deprived because either im crying myself to sleep or im stressing about school. im tired of trying to impress my parents with good grades. im tired of existing. im so so tired. i have always wanted to make my parents proud. they always were until covid. i fell behind earlier this year and i finally got caught up, and then i started feeling really depressed because of the amount of time i had to do schoolwork to stay caught up. And the fact that i have been questioning my gender for months. but of course my parents dont notice. they didnt notice when their oldest "daughter" hid in "her" room all day. they didnt notice that ive been tired lately. all they see is a lazy "girl" and it must be because of scratch and my tablet right? no. no it isnt. its because nobody treats me like how i want them to treat me in real life. its because im drowning in schoolwork and my own tears. its because my own parents dont notice the mental health issues that i try to show them i have. because i dont want them to tell me im being dramatic. or that im doing it for attention. or that its not an excuse. i want to be better, to feel better. what if theres no way out. what if im drowning like this forever. what if my parents dont care that i dont feel comfortable with my name? what if they make me leave scratch? Idk. Just. :sigh: i need help. like the therapy kind. i just dont care about myself enough to tell them. and whose fault is that? probably mine. i should have told them sooner. but no. here we are. anyways, bye. talk to you guys sometime soon.
tl;dr: im going on hiatus coz i feel worthless and my parents blame everything on screens. "oh (insert what i said)? its coz your always on that tablet." i'll probably delete this when i get back. i need to clean up my profile.
