another day of feeling like a piece of trash comes by i survived this far, why cant i get through today? i feel so burnt out. I cant function correctly. i just want to cry, but i dont remember how to. i wish i had somewhere to go i wish i had better self esteem i wish i knew why i was even alive i want to see what it's like to be happy again i want to feel any real emotion, not just nothing or everything at once oh just be quiet, i dont know what to even say its like im rotting away slowly im losing friends too quickly ive lost so many in the past few years i wish i never met some people that have screwed up my life more than i needed i want people who love me for who i am i want someone i want someone to help not just to stand and watch and say that “ its okay, you'll get over it. ive been through worse if i can be more sad than you then you can shut up and think before you speak” i just I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO CARE i just want someone to wipe my tears and say theyll be there i want someone to come and pick me up off the ground i need someone to say i’ll be alright. ive been looking all my life. no one stays. so i dont know if i’ll ever find that person. so why am i even here? to bring people down with me? to sit in the corner of the room and miss the party all because i don't even know how to get there? to be an emotionless punching bag for anyone to throw away anything onto? to be a useless friend that laughs on command and carries a burden too heavy to control? i dont even know “stop being such a baby” im being as mature as i can with my limited amount of knowledge. “stop being so dramatic” youre the one making a fuss and keeping it going. “youve been distant lately” ive been feeling like youve been less like a friend lately rather than me. i just need to believe that its all lies. i need to believe i can change. i need to believe that my home is here. with who im meant to be with. this time, i’ll build a big home with a strong foundation and stay standing forever. ill try as hard as i can, even if it kills me.
"i shall feel the great spring once again; all the memories, they burn and turn into ashes and bloom into a bright flower, i wanna make a fire and burn it all... to win back the spring i've lost."
