hi (notleavingnotleavingnotleaving) this is sort of an updates project, and sort of a rant or vent/ something. No usernames are going to be called out here. This is very scattered. . scratch . I'm not going to say 'scRaTcH Is ToXiC'. That's a basis for leaving because one person misunderstood something. It's the people who are toxic. I have so many supportive and kind friends here. But there are others. Fake friends even? Idk. Irl stuff too I'll get to that later. I've had people comment on my profile once twice or even three times without really introducing themselves to me and acting like we're besties I've had people follow me, and unfollow straightaway just to get noticed. I've had a great friend who "left" countless times, came back w/o telling me, and as soon as I'd found their new account, they'd 'left' again. It hurt me. I'm over it. But it happened. I've seen friends take modesty way too far. Making entire studios about 'oh my god how dare you evil people get me to 200 >:0 now don't you dare get me to 1k >:0" Calling us evil or bad doesn't seem super friendly to me.. Saying 'dont you dare get me to 1k"- it's pretty obvious that's what you dream of. So accept it. Accept that a bunch of people followed you. Accept that perhaps you made about 20 of those accounts yourself. I've had people start a conversation with me, leave it at my reply, then a few days or even hours later start a new conversation at the top of my profile. This doesn't make me feel like I'm noticed or appreciated. Sure, I appreciate that you talk to me and are a good friend. But trying to show that you talk to your friends, almost like you're showing off for other people? mm. I appreciate the people who will always chat wherever and whenever, those people who will let a conversation string to 100 replies. the people who care for me and will ask if even one thing seems off. Thank you. Also the muting on scratch. Come on. I didn't think the filterbot could get any worse than it was and yet here we are, I've been muted more times than ever before in the last three weeks. . school/irl stuff . I'm going back to school in person in just five days. I'm going to be honest, I'm scared. I had really popular friends in elementary school who were kinda fake (one of them at least :eyes: ) I haven't talked to them in about eight months. My coolest friend moved to Montana about a year and a half ago I think. I haven't talked to her in a /while/ I've made new friends and they're super supportive. My best friend since second grade is amazing. My friends are more supportive of my tastes than my own family :] in 2021 I've discovered my music taste (taylor swift and one direction and harry styles {thanks sfpr}) and they make me feel happy inside. I love singing, and I try to write my own songs (I'm not great lol)I think about becoming someone like taylor swift everyday and I know I'll probably never get there. it's hard for me to know I'll probably never even meet my idols. Another thing about school- I can't be as active on scratch. I'm in advanced math, a grade ahead of what id normally be working on. It takes up time. . volleyball . Im becoming more invested in volleyball, I enjoy the sport and the people, and I was invited by my coach to play in a summer tournament. So there's that. I have volleyball practice twice a week as well and conditioning on sundays. it just takes up a lot of my time. . family . my family's great..just not super involved with my life. They don't know I spend hours on scratch each day. They don't really care about my music tastes. My 10 year old brother will literally sometimes scream if one direction or Taylor swift is playing. he's not supportive of anything I do, regularly calls me ugly and bad at singing, and basically takes time to demoralize me. He probably says 'shut up' about twenty times a day. My mom did put on a one direction and taylor playlist the other day though :) . my account and projects . I don't have a theme. My account is scattered but I don't want to move, I love the nickname and the people. so idk what to do. I've been getting followers at a rate of pretty much nothing. My messages are sfpr replies, studio invites and comments from my friends. I only get about 10 messages each morning. I shared my contest a few weeks ago and I have no entries :) thats ok with me, ig I had high expectations. I'm out of inspiration for projects. I made an account for taylor swift edits and stuff, those are the only things that I feel like I can be proud of. I'm out of theme ideas for those as well. . lastly, mental health and emotions . I am an emotional person. more than ever lately. I'm constantly stressed. I have emotional meltdowns about not being able to put my hair in a bun. It's unreasonable. When you read this, I might be feeling fine. I have mood swings constantly and no it's not my time of the month. ◦ thanks for reading + stay hydrated <3 ◦
