Vent. Please Read.

Instructions

Anxiety. I hate it. I overthink what to wear, when other people wear weirder things than me. I overthink everything. I don’t listen. And they always tell me that it’ll be embarrassing, it’ll be dumb. I get suspicious of the most common things. I hate myself so much. Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I understand? And it took me such a long time to get myself to speak up about this. I didn’t want to seem like an attention grabber. Now I’m overthinking this. Racism. Why can’t it stop? Maturity does not come with age, but with wisdom and experience. Adults are dumber than children. Children do not think about what they look like, but how fun they are to play with. Why? Not all people from China contain the virus. They could have even been living here before covid-19! And do some people care? nO! They don’t. They attack them for no reason. This is still going. We need to stop. Depression. Makes you feel alone. Like no one cares about you. That you're off on your own. No one will help you if you fall, no one will. Nobody. No one. S*!C!D3. Over time. I feel like some people WOULD care. But a lot of people won’t. There are so many people in this world. I am just one. One in billions. It wouldn’t matter to so many people. To so many people, they would be glad. Happy. Sexuality. Something I actually know about myself. I am a lesbian. But how could I be proud when I am surrounded by so much homophobia? At my church, my dad is a pastor. He always smiles in church, but is depressed. He talks bad about the other people. And I agree. They raise their standards way too much. My dad is a human, too. They are christians, and are against the LGBTQ+ community. They believe that God said ‘only women should love men and only men should love women.’ and I am just glad my parents are supportive. Gender Identity. I still question it. Non-binary? Demisexual? Pangender? Agender? I still don’t know. Pressure. I have so many assignments. Classes. My parents don’t even ask me if I want to sign up. They just do it and force me to. I love my parents, but it just hurts. They don’t let me choose what I want to do. They made me play flute when I wanted to do a different instrument. Just because the flute is cheaper. I have a smaller lung capacity than other people because I was born a few months early. It hurts my lungs. The only thing they let me choose is if I want to do swimming or not. They make me study an hour extra every day. I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.