hi... i just need to get this out of my system if you want, just ignore this and keep thinking that i'm ok, i don't really care anymore so most of my friends that i hang out with don't really bother asking how i am anymore (to the people that do ask, i really appreciate it <3) and this is partly my fault. when anyone used to ask how i was, i say something like "oh yeah i'm great, totally great", and i do hint about how i feel sometimes, but i never tell anyone. i don't think i've properly ranted in months, and honestly, i think its better off that way. most people have their own problems, and i dont wanna add any weight to that. but i just wish that sometimes, people would ASK how i'm feeling, and really mean it. like sometimes i say 'not that good' and they're like 'oh same lmao', and the conversation just leaves the topic. i'll ask you not to just ask me how i am after reading this, because if someone actually cares about the answer, i'm pretty sure they'd have already asked. and on top of that, i'm reading wAY too much fanfic and diving into AW so much that i'm suspecting it isn't healthy. everyone around me is in a successful relationship and when i talk to them, its always about their partner. i have/had a very close friend, we'd tell each other everything and all the bff stuff. but then they started dating someone and its always their S/O this and their S/O that, and honestly it gets kinda lonely sometimes, like you're third wheeling someone who isn't even there. and i don't have the heart to tell them this because they're happy and i don't want to ruin that. why is this related to my fanfic addiction? because due to fanfic or hormones or something, i've started wanting someone who loves and cares for me like that, or at least cares about me and my feelings. its weird, i know, but its just a feeling i can't explain. anyways, i've ranted too much, so end of rant and don't take this stuff too seriously, i can survive.
