So. First things first- I’m tired. DISCLAIMER** This is all going to be very cringe. It has some stuff about my life irl. It will contain diseases, depressing thoughts, and more. If you are not comfortable in reading people’s vents or with the above, I reccomend you go to Notes and Credits, in which I would be briefly wrapping up this whole thing. Thanks. Oh, and all the things I’m venting about is my irl stuff, not here. So when I mean friends, I mean my irl ones. 1- My past, family relationships, e.t.c. I can’t vent without telling you all of my past- otherwise it’ll be very confusing. So, I’ve been living in Japan until I turned 3, which I then moved to the U.S. and went back to Japan when I was 9. My dad is fine. He’s kind of nice, he works for our family, he gets us what we need. But he doesn’t look after me or my little brother, and makes my mom do all that. My mom is very kind, but she gets sick easily. Most of it is caused by the stress- and the stress is from my dad not helping my mom much. She has gotten cancer once, and she’s been weaker than ever. She’s getting better, but still gets sick easily. My little brother is amazing, I love him so, so much, he’s so cute! I’d do anything for him, I love him so much. 2. What everyone expects of me Being a big sister, and being better at taking care of my brother than my dad, others have high expectations of me. I was fine for a while, but not now- I have too much stress. I’m the happy-go-lucky one, I’m the one who gives the light to everyone, I have to be positive everyday and not be insulted by some mean people… I have to be perfect. 3. What I am to everyone My friends at school, and my mom are all very depending on me. I’m used to it. I’m the one who everyone comes to when they need some advice, therapy or help. I’m the one who listens to everyone’s troubles. I mean- I know I shouldn’t be complaining, it’s a wonderful ‘job’, but being an HSP, and seeing as it’s been particularly hard these days, and from all the tiredness stacked up inside of me from my whole life- I can’t do this anymore. I’m just too tired, I can’t deal with this anymore. 4. What I want I want to be able to depend on someone. I want to feel protected. I want to feel safe. I want all those things when I’m the one who has to make it for others. I’m just tired. 5. Why I can’t have that My mom? Diseases. She depends on me a lot . Can’t depend on her. My dad? Tough luck. He barely does anything for me than give me the money I need to live and stuff. My little brother? He’s only 3. And I’m the big sister. Friends? All depend on me. Most don’t even know I’m an HSP and feel things more deeply than others. (And that also makes me tired just by spending time with others.) See..? I can’t..
6. I’m done. I’m just all in all tired, depended on too much, and in need of help. But I have this feeling that I don’t want to be with anyone. (Well, that’s because I’m an HSP, I need alone time and sleep.)
