I’m fine... Is what I want to tell you. I’m fine... Is what I want to tell myself. But the truth is... I’m not fine. The past week, I’ve been in a constant battle with myself. I don’t know if I’ll be accepted as I am if I’m Pan in real life. I don’t know if people will treat me like a freak. I know that my family supports LGBTQ+, but would they support me? Every time I imagine their reaction, it’s never a good one. I know, you’ll probably tell me that I should come out, and I shouldn’t be afraid, and my family loves me the way I am. You’ll tell me to go ahead... But... I can’t. I’m locked in my own chains. There’s no one holding me back but myself. And it turns out that the words you say to yourself hurt more than the words that others say to you. And even those that do support me and know I’m Pan... I just tell them that I’m fine. I don’t want to expose them to my suffering, I don’t want to hurt them. On top of that, I’m stressed and losing sleep from summer classes. Even though it’s just health and PE, I’m being overloaded with videos, passages, fitness logs, and essays. I can’t do this anymore. The more I think about coming out, the less work I can do. And the more work I do, the more I think about other things- Hence coming out. It’s even harder because it’s pride month, and I see so much that I’m interested in on the news, and even just pride pins at the store, but I force myself to pretend I’m not interested in front of my family. I know what you’ll all say- I don’t need to be afraid. They love you as you are. But... it’s not that easy, everyone. It’s not that easy.
*Gasp* I saw yellow vent!
