sorry for the poor audio quality, as usual. i've just had a lot of stuff going on, it's kinda taking a toll on me. idk if you can hear my voice that well but i was kinda shaking throughout this whole song hh anyways yea, i'm not gonna go into too much detail but two people i love very much are in the hospital right now. one of them left last monday and has been there all week, and then one of them had to be driven to the emergency room a couple hours ago. this bit is kinda trivial but i jammed both my ring fingers (my left way worse than my right though) during volleyball yesterday so now my finger's completely blue and it hurts to draw or play piano or do literally anything. and i feel so useless because those are two of the only things that keep me sane and calm, and combining that with everything else that's going on- its just making my mental state way worse. also i passed out in the middle of a game yesterday and it was one of the scariest things i've ever had happen to me in public- i went entirely numb for like 5-7 minutes and i couldn't see or hear anything and my balance was completely gone- and yes, i've fainted before, but nothing like this. i was just.. standing there the whole time. i didn't even fall over- i was fighting so hard to stay conscious even though i couldn't see/hear/smell/feel anything. and there was nothing i could do, and i just felt so helpless.. and obviously that's not all of it, but there's a lot of stuff that i can't talk about on this site without getting in trouble/banned. but yeah, i've not really been active lately. i don't plan on leaving scratch right now, but i've been considering it. for now, i just want to take a break. i don't want to worry about scratch rn and how much the update sucks and blah blah blah, i just want to deal with myself rn. i have enough to worry about. you can message me/chat on the forbiddens if you need/want to. i'll probably answer. it would help distract me from everything, and i'd really appreciate that. okay, well, bye. thanks for listening to me rant <33 see you some time maybe.
