hello scratch. it appears we meet again. i've returned from that place that scratchers go once they've gotten older and lost interest in the platform (sfpr, honestly) to tell you that i'm frustrated. look, i'm straight. i'm not homophobic nor transphobic (or at least i actively try not to be), but i'm a cishet female and although i can't speak for the future, that's how it's always been. i don't claim to be opressed or discriminated against. i stand by the lgbtq+ community as a straight ally, and always will. HOWEVER. i've noticed the internalized stereotypes that have extended out of the community and begun to affect me personally, and this is where i draw the line. stereotypes are horrible- sort of. they're what simultaneously defines us and internally destroys us. they are a source of security; but they're also the source of nearly all insecurities. stereotypes can keep friends, families, communities together. but they can also tear them apart. i'm not going to tell you that i'm into mcyt. that's obvious. maybe it's not the best pastime, but i refuse to call it a stupid interest. it's a wide range of creators, fans, support and creations that i love, and there are so many reasons that i'm so drawn to it. but that's not what defines me. that's not all of me. i'm a very expressive person; i love writing, music and art. photography, computer science, visual effects, and graphic design. this is what i look like under that "basic white girl" surface. but what bothers me is when people call these interests "gay." i've got no problem with being gay. if i am, so be it. it's not like i'm offended; necessarily. but the assumptions by members of the lgbtq+ community themselves that i am not straight because of who i am (or rather, who i appear to be) exemplifies internalized homophobia in the worst way. to me, an outsider to that community, this looks just like dumb, straight middle school boys calling each other "gay" because they did something uncool. you fell? oh, that's gay. you hugged your friend? gay. only here, it's coming from what is taught to the members of the lgbtq+ community themselves. i know that the majority of the mcyt community *is* made up of members of the lgbtq+ community. that doesn't, however, mean that it should become a stereotype for all people who watch mcyt, or listen to a certain band, or do art or play video games to automatically be a part of that community. i'm trying hard not to make this about myself, because however strong the temptation is to, i know that what's happening to me is small and isn't the bigger picture/larger problem. but even to me, it bothers me to have *other* people questioning my sexuality for me, when i'm fine to do that on my own. it's a stressful experience to have to wonder who you are, and i applaud whoever's brave enough to pull through and figure it out. for me, i've come to a conclusion at the moment, and i don't want to have to stress about it more than i have to, especially because it's my choice to make, not some random person on the internet's. thank you for reading :) i don't expect this to get many views, but i hope at least a few people understand what i'm saying. i did a little bit of research on internalized homophobia for this, but i am in no way an expert on the topic; so if anyone needs to, feel free to call me out on anything. if i've offended anyone, feel free to call me out as well. this really isn't my domain to be ruling. anyway, it's late, i'm tired, thanks and goodbye everyone :)
