(tw!! caps, self doubt, implied kids being jerks) I'm a fraud I'm a fraud I'm a fraud I am broken I am worthless I will never amount to anything I don't deserve anything except everything bad. I don't have a single real accomplishment there are so many things people praise me for but they're not mine to be praised for and people help me with things, or I learn them from others, and so they're not really *my* accomplishments I am such a fraud what's gonna happen when they find out?? will they kick me out from their lives, will I be all alone?? because I am worthless. and they think I'm not I'm so scared that they'll find out that I can't do anything right ever. I hate being such a fake nobody really loves me. mom mom mom why is your daughter so untalented, and stupid, and ugly? mom mom mom you always talk about your achievements, all the time, which is probably why you don't talk about me mama mama mama you just talk about the suffering you go through because of me, and the things I've done that you approve of, to your friends, and dad, never how me- *I* am pretty great- just how specific things about me are I had straight As. I got second place in a spelling bee without even studying. I won a writing award. I got into a school that's incredibly hard to get into I was top in my class in every subject but math I was selected because my peers said that they could come to me with anything. so I was chosen. I like being chosen. even if its by the same kids who hurt me so much. who left me even more broken those cold, unforgiving words and taunts. chose me chose me chose me!!!! and now I'm here... but, I'm not smart anymore. I never *really* was. and now my family hates me and I hate myself too. I just feel.... like a complete, and utter I M P O S T E R
(+mini vent- tw for feeling worthless and not good enough) perfectionist "well, I can tell already that you're quite the perfectionist" I corrected my handwriting because I didn't like the slanting, or the too big or too tiny letters. the uneven sizing the lawless lettering. so I worked for years. and its still not as good as it could be. and so many people have better. and I could be better. I don't like thinking this way about everything.
