(please excuse any errors in spelling, punctuation, and other grammar. its been a long day and it is currently 2 am as i type this.) ok so i put in my chatting studio that recently i've been missing my childhood, and i have. I miss how things were so simple, and you didnt have to worry about how you looked in real life or online. I want things to be like when we could all get along and be positive. when gacha was still so popular. when i wasnt at the school i am now. when i wasnt bullied. when i wasnt mature. i wish i was a kid again. it was so easy, and i feel like crying about it right now. life has gotten so much more stressful, and i barely sleep or have any positive thoughts when i'm at school. i barely get to see my friends or text them, since most of them dont go to my school and they dont check their texts. and how the world has changed is annoying me a lot too. the drama in the gacha community, dream smp members getting cancelled for stupid reasons, being bullied for the same thing the bully does, being judged about lgbtq+, covid, stress with sports and other stuff like that, scratch, art block, friends being annoying (not my besties, i care about them a whole bunch.), and a whole lot more. when i was a kid, i laughed and smiled so much. and now my parents described me in previous weeks as "a moody ungrateful spoiled brat that doesnt know how to work or be happy." at least they say i've been getting better at that. another thing is that my parents never argued when i was little, and things got a little rocky for them when i was about 9 or 10. and just a few months ago my dad was yelling at me for having an attitude again and he mentioned how he and my mother almost got a divorce a few years ago. that was during a big conversation about my mental health, too. and during that conversation, i told him i wasnt doing to good and crap im not gonna get into again, and he promised me therapy. that was 2 nearing 3 months ago. and recently in religion class we had talks about mental states and all this was dragged up after me admitting to my class about how bad the boys bullied me. i go "i remember i was in a really bad place during 4th grade and thats because of something, and i dont want anyone else to feel like that" and it spirals into "oh hey no you were fine you were here in 4th grade werent you" and i go "nah these idiots bullied me pretty bad and now i cant look at myself the same" so yeah theres so much more that im feeling but i just cant find the right words for it all. thanks for reading my rant
