Hello there ( it's @PeridotSky lol ) I have some f e e d b a c k Disclaimer: I know some people don't like feedback, including me, because i don't really like the feeling of someone correcting me. So, it might make you a little "Hmph" type of feeling ;-; Each mark has a number! So every time you see a mark, some feedback in the desc. Makes sense, right? Okay, let's move on. But, one more thing. You may choose to keep the suggestions or not. Up to you. And I feel as though some of them don't make sense to you, but it's whatever YOU think that counts :D 0.) Le title :] 1.) So, I like how you used le simile! "Far from the nearest village, the little but determined siz-year-old dragonet continues running, dodging the trees around him like an obstacle course." I think there's something missing, when you examine it. I would suggest putting something, like instead of "...dodging the trees around him like an obstacle course,"...dodging the trees around him like he was put in an obstacle course" would be better. 2.) So, maybe use a bit of metaphor or simile for this part, to give the reader an image of what those unsaturated scales look like. They'll be wondering what color they were, how pale, all that. 3.) Grammar here >:) . "... he replied, scared, but tried to remain confident nevertheless." Add a "he" after the "but" and before the "tried" :]]] 4.) Amazing comparison *hands award to @ghostdolphin* 5.) replace the comma for a period :D 6.) Anddddddddddddd we add a comma here 7.) Maybe include how the tears are like? Like this: "... he asks him politely, noticing his beady tears dripping down Storm's desperate face. 8.) What are the sheets? Pearl-like, thin, thick, white, long, short? that's it! It's so well written, and I claim that the detail and the action is better than the actual WoF books. Can't wait to see more chapters! I'm planning out a story for class right now lol (it's mandatory) about Zenia hahaaaa
