I found scratch about four years ago, and I was immediately drawn to the idea of a social media all about coding. I saw Scratch as a great place for people of all talents put their work on display, with no fear of failure. I started posting in the hopes that with a few animations, I could make a name for myself on the site. As I continued to make sub-par animations, I found myself only focusing on the views and likes my projects got, and not the projects themselves. It was around this time that I started to work on the first of many attempted game ideas. Instead of making a game based on what I wanted to make, I built the idea around what I thought would get popular. As I worked on the project, It was obvious that It wasn't going to work the way I wanted it to on scratch. Instead of looking for new ways to work on the game, or looking up help on any forums, I gave up on the idea, and stuck to animations again. As I continued to make projects based on what I thought would be popular, I didn't listen to what I actually wanted to make. Even when my projects about freaking Among Us got over 100 views, I didn't feel happy. I worked on another big game, and after a game-breaking bug, I gave up, yet again. I took many hiatuses, and tried to find some little inspiration. I kept on trying to make dumb little games that I felt no love for. I wasted my time on things I didn't enjoy doing. I tried to make myself work for the end goal and nothing else. I was in a loop of unsatisfactory animations and low-effort games. All this was happening while I was failing nearly all of my classes in the 7th and 8th grade. To me, Scratch seemed like a nice getaway from all the stress of my classes, even though I was probably more stressed while on Scratch. I didn't realize any of this, and brushed my declining mental state off as just an excuse to stop working. I was, and still am, a total mess mentally. I took a very long hiatus in the summer of 2021, and it somewhat helped. I trying to focus more on what my mind is thinking at any given moment, and my lowest grade is a B- In school. I still feel the pressure to do better, but less so now. With all that out of the way, I'd like to say that I'm going to avoid posting here for a long time again, and I'm abandoning this profile. You can't comment on my projects anymore, but they'll still be here in case I ever feel like going on a nostalgia trip. I'm probably going to work on a big project that I actually feel good about making, but I'm going to take my time with it. Don't expect me to post here anymore, because I won't. Scratch is an amazing place, but right now, it's not a good place for me to stay in. I apologize for making you read this essay of mine, and I'll see you all on a different account.
