no, this isn't about anything that has happened online today. things have been hard for me over the past few days. I have a fever that keeps coming back at the worst of times, I've been more demotivated to take care of myself than usual, and I've just been feeling empty in general. earlier this week- thursday, I belive? anyway- I suddenly started crying out of nowhere because it hit me that my mom is already in her mid-late 30s. Time's gonna fly by and I won't have her anymore, and then I don't know what I'll do because I know I can't trust myself to actually take care of myself, and I've learned that I cannot handle loss at all. dad's been in a really weird back and forth mood recently, more-so than usual and it's starting to get really unhealthy for everyone in the household to be around him. grandma told me earlier this week that I was being whiny because i was in tears begging and pleading for her to get me a tylenol because i was in excruciating pain- she mocked me, called me whiny, and started to get really angry when we told her she was being mean- and she's never like that? supposedly she also almost died from a heart attack none of us knew about.
we also have a very injured outdoor cat who we can't take to the vet because we're too poor. sure, we could afford the vet bills, but then we'd have very little money left over for bills and gas for cars and food, certainly not enough money for any of that. we're stuck in a terrible living situation, we have to live with my grandma, grandpa, and disgusting neckbeard of an uncle until we can get a house and move out which is really tough considering our financial situation and how bad the market for houses are at the moment, or at least mom says its really bad right now. they've looked at so many places to move into and still havent found anything we could live in. did I mention that this house that has 7 people and an indoor cat in it is pretty small? I just don't know how things are gonna get better. mom keeps telling me they will, but i'm not sure if I believe her.
