Life update (being honest)

Instructions

Being honest, Lately, you guys have kinda seen i've been "dead inside" a lot as I call it (i'm doing better now). The reason, is mainly because of school and classmates. It's been a little hard, because i'm considered the class clown. Lately, there has been a lot of pressure to produce the funnys for the entertainments for the peoples, and the worst part is, i'm a social person so I WANT to be doing this. It doesn't help when people are backstabbing you left and right. This year, one of my goals is to be friends with everyone, which can be a little hard sometimes. I have realized that lately, because people know i'm friends with everyone, or I hang out with everyone, that they can use me. As a 7th grader, with everyone socially awkward, they use me as their main source. So I am the one who get's stuck in the MIDDLE of all this drama. Always. This has happened 3 times already this year, and 2 out of 3 of the times it got out of hand. It's pretty stressful here at the "top" considered maybe even one of the "popular kids". And you know what? Even I have gotten caught up in it a little bit too! I have found myself pulling stunts in front of teachers just to impress or amuse my classmates. But it's stressful. I don't know if i'm weird or something, but everyone and I mean EVERYONE in school has their "home base" friend group or lunch table right? Okay, so mine is with these 4 girls I sit with. 2 of them I have known since I was little, the other 2 came a little later into the group (one came in third, the other one came in second). So, even THOUGH I have known them for so long, not until now have I realised how nice they really are, so they adopted me into their group. Now, as you can probably imagine as a socially awkward 7th grade boy, everyone thought I was a THREAT. Like they went a little agro on me just because I could talk to a girl (not my fault I had 3 older sisters). So everyone says i'm gay since I don't really hang out with the guys that much, or a simp, or weird, or this and that, blah, blah, blah. It's stressful, but I think I have been handling it pretty well. One thing that doesn't help me very much is the middle school mind. For those of you who aren't familiar with what that is, it's a mind you will never forget and it will stick with you for the rest of your life. When your mind get's "corrupted" as said from one of my besties. It's really taken over me, and it doesn't help with all the people to enhance it, who i'm not going to name (not really anybody in my class). People kind of know me for being the "sus" guy, and, like i said, it doesn't help that I can talk to a girl easier than I can talk to a guy. At one point (actually only a few weeks ago) some people started to wonder if I was trans, meaning if I was ACTUALLY a girl, not a guy. And maybe your even wondering this too! (no, i'm not offended it's fine XD) No, i'm a boy, inside out, i'm normal. I A M H U M A N M A L E So, with all this on me, it's hard. Really. And school! I still have to hustle to keep my grades up, juggle my friends pleasure, and make sure I don't roll my ankle in the pot holes along the way! Another thing that doesn't help, AGAIN, because yes, more. Why not more? Not like there was enough just put me 10,000 above me MTOW yeah yeah great job thanks a lot ppl. Anyway, I developed a crush on this girl in my class, so I told her what I was thinking. Now, before I told her, I told my best friend about it. Now, he is more trustworthy beyond most people, probably up there with the group of girls who are my best best friends too, but not this time. He told his other best friend about it, and he wanted REVENGE from some other drama thing that happened. He ran up to my crush and said I did something jerky to her yearbook photo (i didn't entirely understand what he said i did to it, but it might be too bad to put in here since idk what it means but i'm not gonna include it). She instantly thought I was weird and got mad at me. And, I contemplate life. I wanted to be alone and think, as most humans need at one point or another. BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!! Everyone comes up to me and says "are you okay!?!? oh here's some food, take this, take that" and that's just the thing. I have a reputation for being super bouncy and wild and crazy and social, that no one understands when I actually NEED to be alone. But I needed to be. And It makes me feel bad when people do all this stuff just to make me feel better. But it sucks man, ya know? Why oh why? maybe I should main wraith is apex legends now, you know, the emo girl from highschool LMAO anyways, if you made it this far, your a bloody legend and I guess someone cares about me, noogie for u >:D love you, and as always, goodnight B)