TW: The below passage has some stuff to do with mental analysis and feelings (basically a very messy brain dump), so if this makes you uncomfortable please see the TLDR version below that. Each night was the same as the last, unable to quiet the thoughts filling up my brain. Unhappiness, resentment, and unbelonging among so many other emotions became questions that I couldn’t seem to answer. ‘It’s fine’, I told myself, ‘it’s my own fault anyways, it has nothing to do with anyone or anything else’. ‘Stop doing that’, another voice piped up, though it was becoming harder to tell which was my struggling inner advocate and which was still my own self-hatred speaking. On and on my over-analytical brain went, raging and swirling and twisting and turning. Until, finally, it grew too exhausted to continue on and finally quieted down enough to sleep. I awoke from an odd dream, pondering over it for a moment before going on with my day. Some time after that I had a moment of clarity, unlike anything I have experienced before. I knew that I was finally ready to leave Scratch behind. Over the past few months I’ve grown further away from the people I considered my friends. I realized that I’ve depended too heavily on forms of social media to measure my self-worth. I’ve bottled up my emotions and put on an act in order to keep my friends around. I’ve invested so much of my energy into reaching out, only to realize that I don’t feel fulfilled. I’ve let go of my biggest projects and roleplays. I’ve started to come to terms with the fact that, as much as I still want to be, I’m not a child. I still have so much adulting work to do, and not a lot of time to do it. Over time Scratch has started to matter less and less, and I believe I've finally reached the breaking point. So alas, this is my goodbye letter. I’ve written individual thank yous to all of you whom I’ve considered to be a friend (aka anyone who’s still active/meant a great deal to me/are the most likely to actually read this). Hopefully I didn’t miss anyone ‘:) TLDR: I’m leaving Scratch, bye :’D Thank you letters below. @PeachesAndPies I remember when the Four Clans RP was in its darkest hour, and I was overwhelmed with stress and constant pressure from the other studio managers, spammers, and a lot of people who didn’t really think before they posted hurtful comments. And it was during that time that I read a comment that you had posted in my defense, something which I really needed at the time. I’ve really enjoyed reading and supporting NaD and seeing your art and characters develop over time. And I’ve enjoyed talking to you, however briefly. Thank you for supporting me and standing up for me <3 Ahh Tyce– I feel like I never got to chat with you as much as I wanted (not about plotting and all that, but I wish I’d had the courage to say “how are you” a bit more often). I just wanted to thank you for putting up with some of my crazy plot ideas, and allowing me to steal Needlestar for my projects every so often :’3 I’ve enjoyed seeing your unique art pieces and sketches, and I’ve valued all of the conversations we had about plotlines and art. And thank you for your effort to save Broken Hearts. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be of more help. I’ve always considered you to be a huge inspiration, and I’m not just talking about your art. As a very pessimistic person myself, your optimism and confident attitude have always been a light in the dark for me. It’s inspiring to see someone go out and create art and then talk about how much fun it was to make, instead of how terrible and messed up it is. I feel like I see some of your personality shine through in your CCF characters, making them that much more relatable or real. Thank you for letting me adopt some of your adorable OC children, and thank you for all of the effort you put into staying positive and sharing your art and stories with us. You’re the one person who has stuck around the longest through my many years of Scratch. It’s nice to know that there was someone else out there still holding on even though most have already moved on with their lives and forgotten about Scratch and the people they used to know there. You’re also one of the easiest people to talk to, even during my moments of social anxiety. I really enjoyed our roleplays (the one that always comes to mind is the one with Rockshadow, Leafkit, Burningflower, and all the other characters I created in order to toy with poor Rockshadow’s emotions) and conversations. Thank you for sticking around with me.
^^ Please see above ^^ @Articwolferina I know that I’m kind of that random friend of a friend that got pulled into another friend group every once in a while to socialize, but I’m really glad that I got to spend time with you. I had a lot of fun doing art and seeing the beautiful ideas and weird jokes we would come up with. It was nice to be a part of something for as long as it lasted, and it was nice to be invited at times. Unfortunately my memory of the chaos that ensued is somewhat limited :’3 But thank you for giving Sneken bread and an army, for joining in on all of the ICe jokes, and for allowing me to dump art on you at will. @-Scorchpelt- When I think about a moment that I felt most passionate about something, I always go back to Scorchpelt and Scarletflame and the story that unfolded through our roleplays with these characters. Even when I tried to manipulate events, Scorchpelt was always there to put a twist in my plans and make me consider other alternatives. Our roleplays in Broken Hearts were always something I felt excited about, and I’m very grateful to have shared them with you. Scorchflame will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you for giving me another chance to tell a story, and thank you for all you contributed. I hope you’re doing well and I wish you the best in life. @ShadedToon I don’t know why, but you’ve been on my mind a lot lately. I keep looking back on old roleplays and trying to squeeze Birchfire into my backstory plotlines. You’ve made me laugh so many times with your comments and through our roleplays, as well as the roleplays you did with others. Your characters were so unique and I still take every opportunity to force Snakefang and Birchfire together as frenemies. Thank you for just being you, and for bringing so many wonderful characters to BH. @Moonshadow_ While I could write an entire document about all of the things we did together, you probably remember it all better anyways. From our roleplays to the scripts, the short stories and the art, and all of the screes and the inside jokes. I just want to thank you for giving me another chance at Scratch, and for introducing me to so many amazing people. And of course, for being my friend through it all. Thank you for sharing Broken Hearts with me, even after it was over, and for giving me inspiration to continue to draw and sketch some of my favorite characters repetitively. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life with me, and for letting me share a piece of myself with you. As much as I may have grown impatient over our collabs, I believe that the end result was worth the journey. I’ve learned a lot through our interactions, and I’ve grown because of it. But this has to be my final goodbye to you as well. I need to say thank you and then I need to move on from this place. So thank you, so much. And karet. @RainbowBite89 , @Amethyst9000 , @Mirkirith , @alcyone47 ,@TwinkleLiqhts , @_-MoonCall-_ , @criminal-intent , @Scorching_Winds , @kaliloblue12 and many, many others (apologies if I missed someone important :’0 ). Thank y’all for your supportive comments and brief chats every so often. I’m sure there are many more that I have spoken to, and would recognize your usernames in an instant, but unfortunately some of my memory cells have been knocked into the void. But to anyone who has ever chatted with me in my small corner of the internet, thank you. It means a lot to me. -- Credits -- Art: Inspired slightly by EphemeralMoth's style on YT (for the hair/fur mainly).
