I honestly have no idea where to start. I guess I'll start with what happened this morning when I checked my messages. I had been venting a little to my friend but my friend didn't know that and then said "No kidding" and accidently really hurt my feelings. Apparently I'm really sensitive now. I didn't realize that.. Makes me wonder if I'm even who I seem to be on the outside. What if I'm just some dumb coward who tries to act tough? Probably. I'm bottling up my emotions again. My parents accidently hurt me a lot. Saying mean things to me as a joke and then if I actually show them that hurts they just tell me "Its just a joke." Or "Its not a big deal" or the meanest i find "Stop being so sensitive honey" it really hurts my feelings when they say that and when they say the mean things i just told you about. They don't mean to be mean though so don't call them "Bad parents" or "Toxic parents" cause they don't mean any harm they're just mean on accident, mostly dad- i mean my dad anyways, my mom tries to encourage me to keep off the computer and un-intentionally hurts my feelings saying all i do is be on my computer and its true but she doesn't understand that its my only happy zone besides feeling trapped not being able to see other people. I try to fit in but whever i do something wrong like one mis-step ruins my mental health and they notice im just some "cringy eleven year old" it really hurts me knowing how they think i am. I'm an attention seeker i wont lie and i really really care what people think about me so like if they all hate me then i'll feel really really bad for a while. and my sister at night gets mad at me for caring about her sleep too so that just another negative downside to my mental health. I might say idc what you think about me but thats usually a lie. sometimes i might, sometimes i wont.
