I wrote something. Hushed voices murmured from behind the door. Jared sat still and silent, allowing the low tones to wash over him like water. He only had one thing to think about, and it filled him with resignation. He closed his eyes as the door opened. He didn't want to think about that single thought swirling through him, but every vibration in the world brought him back to it. A chorus of footsteps sounded, and three people sat down in front of him. None of them had anything to say for a moment. The air, spinning with movement, grew still again. No one spoke for a long while. Jared relaxed in the silence. No one could touch him here. No one said or did anything. Nothing could remind him of anything. Not anything. Nothing. But then someone spoke. "You are not yourself anymore Jared." The voice said. Jared didn't like words, and these ones sounded concerned. Carefully, he let his lungs continue breathing. He thought of his cold memories for an instant. He didn't feel an obligation to answer yet, perhaps later he would. "Did you hear me, Jared? I said that something has happened to you. Why have you become like this?" The voice repeated. These words rippled across him like a cold wind. He shivered in protest. No one had made him like this, nothing had happened to him. He had just become like this. There was no 'why.’ "Jared." A second voice said. "Do you remember me? It's Magdalene." And so what if he did remember Her? He thought, retreating inside himself. Nothing is what he needed to focus on. Nothing is the only way he could find peace. Nothing could engulf the memories that haunted him if only he could be still enough to find it. "Be still", he whispered to himself, "silence, nothing." "No, Jared." Magdalene begged, "Open your eyes!" Jared did so. Her face was the first thing he saw. Soft and sad, looking deep into his own eyes. "Jared…" She said the look on her face showed her grief. "Jared, listen!" "No." He said, lowering his gaze. "No, I can't. I can't listen. It hurts too much." "Why does it hurt?" Jared's mind recoiled at the thought. "No!" He cried, closing his eyes. "No, I can't. Stop it. Stop. Just leave me alone! I have not forgotten you all. I still love you. Now let it be!" They gave him silence again, but it did not last long, "Thank you, Jared. I think we all needed to hear that." The first voice said. "Jared, can you answer one question?" The final, third voice asked. Jared tried to make the sound go far away, but he couldn't. "No." He whispered, finally. "If you answer this we'll leave you alone." The voice said. "Just go." He begged. "No, answer me first." Jared stayed silent. He hoped Nothing could encompass him again, but it had vanished like water sinking into the sand. He was stuck in reality. "Just answer this. What did this to you?" The voice demanded. Fear sparked in Jared's chest. The thought came back like lightning, striking him painfully hard. He remembered voices, harsh ones. Strange lights shivering in the distance, and those crashing waves. Rolling in and out, hitting endlessly. Endlessly. Jared sucked in his breath. He opened his eyes now. His friends were all looking at him. He stared at each of them in turn, searching for something. Then, little by little, floating like soft wings into his heart, he found their names. "Magdalene." He said, his hand shook, Falven, Gaynor, I…" He hesitated, he didn't like looking into their eyes. He wished he could still ignore them, but he pressed forward. "It wasn't what." He choked out, "It was who. A person did this to me. I'm hiding from everything now. I just can't take it. He,-" Jared visibly shivered as the memories passed over him. Dark, evil things that left him feeling cold. "He-" Jared tried to continue, "the person that made me like this, he-" Jared couldn't speak anymore. The images began flooding back. He had to hide. Determinedly, he stared at a little knot in the table in front of him, breathing evenly. Think of nothing, think of nothing, He repeated. Slowly, his thoughts began to slow, until he could finally feel tranquil. The idea of nothing, of course, was very tranquil. Empty, numbness, and ignorance shielded him from the pain. Nothing met him here. One by one, his friends pushed out their chairs and left. He kept repeating to himself that he didn’t care, but truly, deep down inside him, he felt alive again, and he did care. He knew, someday, he would be ready to face reality again. Someday… [END] *That moment you finish writing something really dark and you worry about yourself.* *reading it over again* Yeah I really knocked it out of the park didn't I? That hero has some serious homecoming issues. *Wondering if the hero will be okay.* Who am I kidding? I'm the author! *Still worrying* Music: Charlee Nguyen - Living ≠ Surviving Piano Guys - Moonlight
