Another day, another mess. This one started on a heart shaped planet, where Wander, Sylvia, and I decided to have a fancy dinner. Unluckily for us, Lord Hater was there as well. Yikes. “Should we say hi?” Wander asked. “No! What is he doing here?” Hissed Sylvia. “Probably waiting for someone…” I noted. Hater was sitting alone at a table across from us, and we had a menu obscuring our faces from his view. “Bring me a new candle!” We heard Hater yell. “This one’s stupid!” “Poor Lord Hater!” Exclaimed Wander. “Are you kidding? This is hilarious! We got a fancy dinner AND a show! It serves him right for being a jerk all the time.” Sylvia laughed. “Awww. Maybe if someone gave him a chance, he wouldn't be so darn evil!” Said Wander. “And maybe we should mind our own beeswax! So he got jilted, it's not the end of the world!” Sylvia responded. “Hey, Peepers. Yeah, the king of this stupid planet was totally lying! His lame daughter was a no-show. Whatever. I'm gonna head back to the ship, curl up with a pint of Fudgy Pudgy Vanilla, AND BLOW THIS PLANET TO KINGDOM COME!” We heard Hater yell. I gasped. That was NOT good. He pressed a red button and an absolutely MASSIVE doomsday cannon popped out from the main hanger of his ship, pointing straight at the planet we were on. “Okay, so it is the end of this world!” Sylvia corrected herself. Wander began shaking Sylvia. “This is a disaster! We gotta find him a replacement date or his self-esteem will drop DRAMATICALLY!” He paused. “SO THE PLANET WILL BE DOOMED!” “Easier said than done, Wander! Who in their right mind would go on a date with Lord Hater?” Sylvia exclaimed. Wander smiled at her, and she shook her head. “Wander, you better not be doing what I think you’re doing…” she said. “Well if you won’t be his replacement date, who will?” Wander pouted. Sylvia looked at me. “Hey! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! I’M not doing it!” I frowned. “C’mon, you owe me one. You said so yourself!” Said Sylvia. I sighed. I DID say that. “Alright, fine, I’ll do it.” I sighed. “I don't have to tip if I just had the bread, right?” Hater threw a piece of paper at the waiter. I walked up to him, wearing a fancy dress, a blonde wig, and the goggles I normally wear were sitting on Wander and Sylvia’s table. “Oh, woe is me!” I exclaimed, in a high-pitched voice. “What am I, a single woman, to do? I just got stood up by my date, if only a handsome man were to rescue me from my single-ness!” I fell over dramatically, waving my face with a fan. I winked and Wander, and he winked back. Sylvia rolled her eyes. I knew she wouldn’t appreciate my theatrical prowess. (That was a joke, if you couldn’t tell.) “Hold the countdown. Things just got... interesting.” Hater said to Peepers, on the phone. “She is WAY too enthusiastic about this.” I heard Sylvia say. “Come on, Syl! The fate of the planet depends on her sparkling dinner conversation!” I heard Wander reply. I felt very confident. I sat down at a table, and Wander crawled under it to supervise my date. Hater sprayed disgusting looking green body-spray all over himself, and started confidently walking over to the table I was sitting at. “He's coming over! It's working!” Whispered Wander from under the table. “Grop, I wish it wasn’t…” I said under my breath. Wander got back under the table and pushed the candle slightly to the left. “Heaven must be missing an angel, because here I am.” Hater said as he sat down across from me. “Oh, grop…” I muttered. Wander stomped on my foot. “Ow!” I exclaimed. Hater looked at me weirdly. “Oh, um, chronic back pain.” I replied, unsure of what to say. Hater looked at me weirdly, then responded with, “You have me at a disadvantage. Obviously, everyone knows me, Lord Hater, Hate's great, best villain. And you are?” “Lilliana Rubies, but you can call me Lilly for short.” I responded, already having a character in my head. “What an interesting name. Wait. Don't I know you?” Asked Hater. I laughed nervously. “Haha, nope!” “Aren't you... the lucky lady about to have the best night of her life?” Hater replied. I laughed fakely, but Hater didn’t seem to notice the ingenuine elements of my laugh.
Wander rushed from under the table, practically flied into the kitchen, and emerged disguised as a waiter. Sylvia, sitting at another table, drinking a sparkling water, sighed. Hater began to talk to me about his backstory. “And that's the top secret origin of the galaxy's greatest dictator. Me. I'm really quite fascinating, don't you think?” He took a sip of his water. I nodded my head. “’Scusi, signorina, maybe you like-a to order-a something-a from de spe-cial men-u.” Wander said, in an exaggerated italian accent. I looked at the menu, and it said some nice things to say to Hater. “Your lightning bolts are positively stunning!” I gushed, not meaning a word of what I said. “I know!” Replied Hater, playing with his lightning bolts. “Can you believe I just roll out of bed like this?” I gestured to Wander for help, but another waiter ushered him to different guests in need of water. I swore under my breath, then sighed. “It’s just dinner, nothing else.” Hater began to talk to me about his workout routine. “…and then on Thursdays I blast my quadriceps and quadriplexes.” After he finished that, Wander came up to us and took our orders. “…and a third order of sliders, half rare, half well done. Oh, did you want something?” Hater said. I took the menu, ordered, and Hater decided to practice his comedy routine on me, and my GROP it was the worst thing I’d ever had to sit through. “And then the butcher says, "Not on my dime!" AAAAAHAHAHA!” He laughed, and I also laughed just to be polite. He proceeded to repeat the joke three times, laughing harder and harder each time he told it. “There is a pea touching my potato. DO IT AGAIN!” Hater complained once he got his food. He got another plate, and gobbled up his food at an incredibly high speed. It was disgusting. Why did I agree to this? Oh yeah. At least Sylvia doesn’t have to go through this. The waiter gave Hater a bill, and he just sat back and whistled. Did he seriously expect ME to pay? Ugh! Whatever. I took the bill. “Well, now dinner’s over!” I said. “Yep. Dinner's over. Now we can get on with the rest of the date!” Exclaimed Hater, dragging me out the door. Rest of the date?! There’s MORE?! Wander was at a ticket booth, and wearing a fake mustache. “Two please!” I said. Wander gave me two tickets, and Hater dragged me into the carnival. We went on a bunch of rides, played some games, and somehow, Hater still managed to eat some carnival food. It would’ve been a lot more fun if I was going with Wander and Sylvia, but since I was on a fake date with Hater, there was no chance it’d be any kind of enjoyable. “That was a night to remember.” Hater said, laying his hand on mine. I’d have to wash that after. “No matter how hard I want to forget.” I grumbled. “You know, Lily, out of the many, many women I’ve TOTALLY dated, you’re the most easily impressed. I like that.” Hater told me. I gave him an incredibly fake looking smile. Wander came by in a car, and I mouthed “help me” at him. He just gave me a thumbs up, and I facepalmed. Suddenly, Hater leaned in and tried to KISS me! Ew! I jumped out of my seat, and Hater ran off. I was gasping for air in my seat, when I heard Hater… crying..? “Uhm… Lord Hater?” I asked him. “I'm not crying, YOU'RE crying! I try so hard, you know, but I...I have a big personality. Ugh! I'm such an idiot! You're so cool and I just...” he fell over. “want a girl to like me?” I sighed, remembering what Wander wanted me to do. I silently gagged, then kissed Hater on the head. Hater’s face absolutely lit up.
