I'm tired of crying. Its over stupid stuff anyways. All the reasons I'm upset are stupid. But yet I still lay in my bed and cry. I'm done with so many things. I just want a genuine hug-.. last ime I had one of those it was after my grandpa died in 2019. I just want to smile again and actually mean it.. until then I'll continue to cry myself to sleep and hug my pillow since my partner seems revolted by me most of the time.. its my fault tho.. I'm just repulsive apparently... why can't I be happy in the relationship I'm in?.. why am I telling myself that everything is gonna be fine when I know it won't be? Why can't I move on? Why am I stuck in this downward spiral as if I'm walking down stairs but I can't go up because the stairs are disappearing as I walk down? Why can't I shut up? Why?...
