ok even more incorrect quotes but this time its me (Rubiks) and my friends (myles and bread) Bread: *looks at Rubiks* Bread: Baby boy. Baby. Bread: *looks at Myles* Bread: Evil. (me and bread joked about me being their child for a whiiiile so this one is pretty funny to me) Bread: But what about Rubiks? Myles: Don't worry about them. Myles: I once watched them fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating their hotdog like nothing happened. Bread: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon? Myles: We're chopsticks! Bread: Well... that's cute! Bread: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly? Rubiks: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing. Bread, holding a rock: Rubiks just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock". Myles: If you don't marry them, I will. Bread: I like to think of myself as a semi responsible adult here. Rubiks: Myles is 70% of your impulse control and you know this Bread. Myles: I feel like Bread is the more responsible one of us two though. Bread: We are both 70% of each others' impulse control. Myles: Just two lil beasts in pinwheel hats spinning on the merry-go-round at dangerous velocities, holding each other’s hands so the other doesn’t fall off. Bread: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons! Rubiks: Bet you I can! Myles: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper* Bread: Myles, what do you value about Rubiks? Myles: They’re thoughtful. They pick flowers and bring them to me. Often they’re ones I’ve just planted, but... Rubiks: That’s how I know they’re fresh! Myles: I didn't drink that much last night. Bread: You were flirting with Rubiks. Myles: So what? They're my partner. Bread: You asked if they were single. Bread: And then you cried when they said they weren't. (we joke about dating way too much too the point im wondering if we actually are /hj) Rubiks: Pfft, you should meet Myles, they're such a tsundere. Bread: They... they just stabbed you. Rubiks: So cute. Rubiks: Bread has no idea I’m high. Bread: You’re high? Rubiks: Oh, I’m sorry. Rubiks, leaning over to Myles: Bread has no idea I’m high. Myles: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- Bread: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~ Myles: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Rubiks, recording: This is so cute. Myles: Did Rubiks just tell me they loved me for the first time? Bread: Yeah, they did. Myles: And did I just do finger guns back? Bread: Yeah, you did. Myles: Why did you guys dress up as each other for Halloween? Rubiks: Bread is the scariest thing I could think of! Bread: Rubiks told me I should pick the dumbest costume possible. Bread, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career! Rubiks, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids. Myles: What the ____ are you guys doing? Bread: Playing systemic oppression. Bread: Is this your plan B? Myles: Technically, this is plan P. Bread: Plan P? Is there a plan M? Myles: Yes, but I marry Rubiks in plan M. Rubiks: I like plan M. Bread: When I was a kid, Rubiks told me that the paper strip that’s in the chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for a year. Myles: They are! Bread: FOR REAL? Myles: No! Why did you fall for it again? Bread: Why were you up yesterday until 3am? Myles: How did you know I was up until 3am? Rubiks: We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes. Rubiks: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok? Myles: Okay. *later* Bread: Myles! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble. Rubiks, whispering: Deny everything. Myles, loudly: That isn't a chair. Rubiks: How did you even get in here? Myles: Bread's window! Or, as I like to call it, "Myles's door"! Bread: I’m closing the window. Bread: Rubiks has no survival skills, their need to win has replaced them. Myles: That can't be true! Bread: Watch this. Bread: Hey Rubiks, race you to the bottom of the stairs! Rubiks: *Throws themself out a window* Myles: Why don't we just call it, "M.C. Donald's?" Bread: Because it just sounds like a stupid rapper's name. Rubiks: It'd just be like- "Eyo, it's ya boy, M.C. Donald!" Bread: Hey, I see those leaves, where are you from? Myles: Illinois. Bread: AAYYYE, I KNEW IT! ME TOO! Rubiks: Did you just identify a state by looking at its leaves. Myles: How do you do that? Rubiks: I'm fearless. Bread: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad. Rubiks: I'm mostly fearless.
Bread: Hey, Rubiks, are you free on Friday? Like around eight? Rubiks: Yeah. Bread: And you, Myles? Myles: Umm... yes? Bread: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! Myles: Did they just- Rubiks: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Myles way. Bread: Isn't that the wrong way? Rubiks: Yes, but it's faster. *Rubiks rushes by with an armful of water bottles* Myles: What's going on? Bread: Rubiks wouldn't drink water. Myles: ...And? Bread: And I asked them how fast they could chug an entire bottle. Rubiks, loudly: 16 OUNCES IN TEN SECONDS, ______S! Myles: Do you think different paints have different tastes? Rubiks: They do. Bread: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?
