[gonna use alot of abbreviations, not into typing rn] so u know the feeling when u finish smtn that stresses u, and u feel that life is perfectly fine? i feel that alot. until i think about violin- violin in general is fine ok but im thinking about the exam date :(( i rlly want 2 chill but i can't find peace. tbh, im not even that stressed about ballet and theory. i feel like violin is a big weight. i feel so,, welll ig burdened when i think about the future violin. when i dont think of the future im happier. but i cried last violin class [yes, i cry in front of that teacher] i feel so embarrased. we were ear training. i cant exactly tell the difference of major and minor on a piano so uh also when i have to clap out the beats, thats the part i cried. i feel like a failure because i can't get 4 bars perfect. the teacher said i'd only have 10 seconds to start :( i feel like all my classmates' music lives are perfect. they're grade 8 in piano and stuff. i mean ig its all abt practice and understanding. but these 2 months i've been practicing more. theres also this new rule, where we have to tap the beat with our foot, then clap or whatever to the notes. i don't get counting of notes, help? i want to practice out of violin but can't find time. if u r reading up to here, ily. so like my scheduele is so messed up. i feel like watching yt instead of doing smtn else. in school, i'm fine actually. i have a health presentation in 2 weeks, but otherwise i suppose its fine. oh, and maybe gym workout presentations. really not feeling for it. i could write millions of paragraphs about violin i wish i could restart violin like backtrack... 5 or 6 years? by 5 or 6 yrs, i should be good? but no im not. i stutter too much on each line even if i practice that bar a lot. i know im gonna quit next year. but i dont want to. [whew, getting emotional here idk why] i feel like violin is one of the things that make me, well unique, yk? everyone else does piano but me. i know there are other good things, but otherwise, i wont have connection to music.
sorry if this is more like a negative account alr? my mom said its best for me to stay violin till grade 8 [violin] which means i'll prolly continue until high school :(
