Well- I guess I’m ‘back’ by bringing you my first vent that is portrayed by one of the best songs I’ve ever heard and also one of the most I’ve ever related to. If you weren’t aware, this song can be interpreted as it was expressing the process of overcoming a toxic relationship, which it currently is what I’m going through. Here’s the lyrics: Do I need a reason to wake up lonely all the time? I don't want to see you, but I don't know where to hide Some mistakes should not be made Like opening your heart If your heart's upon your sleeve Then amputate the arm Swim in circles, water fills your lungs And why should anyone else offer their help? I mean, just look at the way you never took care of yourself I'll be numb, but I'll be free My friends will keep me honest My friends will keep me honest You won't mean a thing to me Now, that's what I call, "progress" That's what I call progress That's what I call progress Is this what you mean when you say That you're making it easier, easier? Now you want the feelings back Now that you're an actor And phantom pains cannot convince Or captivate an audience Your monologue was such a mess A reprehensible pretense Guilt's a modus operandi You thought that hope was so profound What if true love doesn't wait for everyone to come around? Everyone to come around Everyone to come around Everyone to come around Everyone to come around Everyone to come around Everyone to come around Everyone to come around This song makes me feel really strong and gives me a really big will to keep going through life after all of what happened with that person. That’s why I used it for this vent, since I want to use this situation as a moral lesson for me to start being a more bold and self-aware person from now on. I’ve promised myself to do this since I just saw that my empathetic behavior can be used in anyone’s advantage, just like it recently occurred. Here’s some previous context of what occured before the events in the vent for you to know about: (Scroll down from this text until the big black dots row (●) below in the text if you want to see the purpose of the vent straight). I’ve been dating someone online for almost 2 years. During the latest part of that time, I saw that the love i felt for them ran out. And still I kept being there because I was depending on them to keep going with my life bc no one else “loved” me the same way they did. I kept thinking I was feeling love for them, while I was actually being there for them because they liked me better and seemed to have more interest on me than any other people. So, after some time, my feelings changed and I started liking another person (which I won’t tell about, since I’m also trying to forget that one because it was a bad idea to date them for a couple of reasons). I told ‘my’ person about what happened with the other one and how I felt. At first they seemed to understand everything, but although we eventually got in a really big discussion that lasted for some days because they afterwards ended up developing hate against me and that other person. I felt really uneasy at that time, because I also got the chance of trying to leave them once (before all of that occurred) because their situation tried to break us apart, and I thought their feelings could also change by that. But, in fact, those really didn’t changed at all, while mine changed completely. ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● So, here’s now where all the events i’m talking about in this vent started, which are produced by the toxic hate and jealousy they started to feel against me when my feelings for them changed: When we got on the discussion when I told them about that person, I started feeling really confused and uneasy because they started to have an unusual behavior with me whenever we talked, like if they were confronted with me, and I started feeling guilty by overthinking that it actually was my fault for them to be like that for letting my feelings change when they weren’t supposed to. That was a big and dumb affirmation for me even I didn’t seem to notice, because that’s not how things work. I thought that, since they were stuck in the worst part of their life, it was normal for them to treat me in that way and I gave them the right to do it because I’ve been the only person who has taken their problems seriously and given them the attention they needed for all this time. I thought they had no other option but to do it to feel better for themselves. Yet another big mistake I made by my own and letted to grow to punish myself for my ‘misdeeds’. This dumb loop kept on going, and getting worse, and worse, and even much worse, by time making me think more stuff like the negative thoughts I included in the vent. I just couldn’t help but to make myself feel guilty. I guess they saw I started doing that, so they just kept on doing it so I just become a boxing-punch bag for them to hit to feel good. (+ in notes & credits)#
TW: Self-injurious behavior Emotional/verbal abuse via chat Flashing/rapid color changing lights Sharp objects ——————————————— (previous text in instructions section, read this one later) #So, I just was punishing myself for the things I did to them which I considered ‘misdeeds’. But instead, I just was being crazy by feeling I wasn’t making any good to them or even trying to save them from their situation as I made myself think I was supposed to. Once I finally came clean about the whole situation weeks later (with some external help), I just felt... funny. I immediately wrote my ‘last’ few paragraphs to try let them know what they were actually doing to me, and I really wanted to forget about them because I don’t want to talk to someone like them and go through the whole loop again. Even perhaps they don’t seem to understand what I feel and they keep trying to contact me or blame me because they’re stuck in a void where there’s nothing but their own anger, and they also got no one else to talk with, it won’t stop me for breaking myself apart from them and to live my youth at the fullest. And it also won’t stop me for letting myself know that my life is worth living since it has been delivered to make me live it in the healthiest and the best way I can. Now that I’m away from them, I feel so free right now. Like a bird. I just got out of that cage that was slowly but painfully consuming my life, and I needed help to finally notice what was happening and scape to finally be. When I sended that final text and blocked them everywhere I could, this song eventually showed up on my head all of a sudden. I became really sensitive about the fact that I related to it so much, and I wanted to sort of express it by creating the vent you just saw and venting out of me this experience that has introduced a before and an after on my youth. If you’d red all of that whole text and ended up here, pls bare in mind that I’m extremely greatful for your care and concern for me :’)<3 Thank you so much again for reading this. I hope you too can overcome any type of tough experiences the best way you can if they get to stumble into your life, and I also hope you keep shining by living life the same way I’ll try to do from now on. <3
