Uhhh anyways I want/need (I don’t know which, hopefully the first-) to rant but I don’t want to ruin conversations with my burdens. The title is a song by Grace VanderWaal, not exactly super related to the topic of this, but I like it. Writing by me Title thing made in autodesk sketchbook- You gotta tap the words to go to the next one I’ve got my darker side, but it’s a part of me and I’m glad Listen to “Darkness Keeps Chasing Me” by Grace VanderWaal to know me a bit better And horror story by Arden jones And Waving Through A Window from Dear Evan Hansen (by Ben Platt) — Too lazy to put this in the actual project so here’s something originally wrote on may 15: Falling // poem/writing Does it ever stop? That sensation of falling The tickles in your stomach Almost like butterflies That’s what I want to be like A butterfly I have to start ugly Then after an exhausting journey I’m beautiful And can fly Awestrucking I’m falling Falling for every trick I’m soft hearted But strong minded If I think it You can’t change my mind I may give in verbally But only I know I don’t truly agree Cause then who would I be? Someone who looks to others? Oh wait hold up- I am And sometimes it’s okay But I want to be me When you’re falling Do you feel you’ll every stop? That sensation of weightlessness That makes you close your eyes shut And scream to no end And scar you forever Do those build you? ‘Cause I’m still falling Feeling those butterflies Hoping Loving Because I’m still Falling — Patience // poem/writing (may 30) I’ve waited for so long Just for those words When they left my mouth I ran I was scared And wanted to get it over with But I treasured that moment so much That whole scene was one Fit for a movie One I’ll be in the symphony for Having the time of my life Playing the official soundtrack Maybe even a solo If I’m good enough I say I have no goal And for the longest time I didn’t But now I do I’ll be in the backgrounds Doing what I love Never knowing if I’ll take A step up And be on the big screen But if I don’t I’ll love my choice still — What I Want To Be // Poem/writing (June 3) A poet A writer A flautist Who is Cool and confident In everything she does Like she could rule the world With the soft snap of a finger And rule for the good Not greedy with power And people look up to her People like her People want her She’s an inspiration to those like And unlike Herself And she loves And she cares And she sees good And she knows things And learns what she doesn’t And isn’t afraid To stand up For herself and friends and family To herself and friend and family And is actually Kind Nice Patient Loving Caring And What I’m described to be But actually Truly Good — Stars // Poem written sometime in the depths of quarantine edited a bit on June 8 (not as deep as stuff I write now, one of my quarantine favorites) Sure, the city can be pretty But it always takes away They shining stars I’ve been waiting to see After an exhausting day Familiar city atmosphere Breaks the silent night But when you look up Not a single star in sight Sometimes I look to the moon And secretly hope to see a small star But my hope is shattered When the street lamp near flickers to life Ending the star’s I feel like my hopes and dreams are stars They are always there But out shined and mostly unnoticed Overpowered by some other’s light And I become the only one aware Maybe when I shine myself I’ll be the like North Star I’ll meet the moon Until then, though I’m wishing it’s soon -- Silence // june 30, 2022 Paint covers up The blank on a canvas Words are written On blank pages Sketches fill up An empty page But music fills up Silence When there is no other sound Capable of being heard The softest note Becomes loud When someone speaks a whisper They hear their echo No one else covered them up And for once their voice is heard In a loud, noisy place You can never hear me But once the noise dies down Once everyone is done talking Nothing more to say That's when you'll hear me But that time never comes And I end up fading away -- I Thought // July 5, 2022 I thought I was opening up I thought I was braver I thought I was doing so good But then came the pressure The pressure of numerous stares The pressure others can handle so confidently The pressure that always puts me down The thing that makes me leave, suddenly and silently The rest of my words are shortened And it seems a single, choking breath And it seems I was scared the whole time And it seems I'm just quiet, shy maybe But they'll never know I only speak at my own time I truly thought I was doing better But then school happened, so did sports And now I can't help it I'm doubting myself even more — July 22, 2022 When I say “I don’t want to be here” I don’t mean the quad I don’t mean school I don’t mean class I don’t mean with you I mean something you’ll never understand To my level That I want to be at Foxfire Hogwarts Camp Half-Blood In Neverland
