goodbye

Instructions

Yayyyy, Chrysalis is shared again. Trying so hard not to overthink this- So I was considering just simply writing "goodbye" in the Instructions as a troll. Because y'know haha funny. But no, I'm not that evil. It sure would have been easier, though. I've been procrastinating on this since the very day I decided when I was going to leave. Two months. And I haven't written a SINGLE WORD until now. It was just... really hard. To find the words. To be honest without being completely incoherent. I considered looking at some other people's goodbye projects, to see how they wrote theirs. Because I wanted my goodbye to be perfect. But I realise now that I should just abandon those expectations, stop hiding behind flowery words and fluff, stop trying to be like someone else. And instead just...tell the truth. As much as possible, mind you. I will inevitably indulge in some form of fluff, but bear with me. Now, with that out of the way, let's proceed to the actual goodbye speech, which I wrote in like one sitting. I know it’s kinda long (or maybe too short-). I suppose you could skip to the Notes and Credits if you’re really lazy, but please do read the whole thing >>>> So. This is it guys. My last day here. I'd previously considered staying a month longer, but I know if I stay even a few days more, I'll never leave. Because DANG, this place is hard to escape. I just want to say this here and now, I'm so grateful that I got another chance. To fix things. To start over as...something new. It didn't go the way I planned, the way I wanted. But it was better than I ever could have dared to hope for. It's so hard to not to stray off the main topic. I could talk hours and hours about this, but I have to wrap this up at some point, so, abruptly moving on to the next point: which is... YOU GUYS!!1!1!! Seriously. You guys are amazing. Old friends and new. Acquaintances, casual frendos, frenemies, BESTAYS 4EVERRRR, close friends, people I've literally only known for a week. ALL of you. You shaped my time here. YOU guys made it as great as it was. And I will forever be grateful for that. I just... I can't find the words to express it. I could fill the next ten lines with just thank you's and it wouldn't be enough. But unfortunately, I'm not sure what the word limit of this is. So I'll keep it concise: thank you, all of you. So, so much. You’re just...wonderful people. Wonderful friends. Not forgetting those wonderful strangers who, despite not knowing me, still managed to leave a lasting impression on me with their kindness. I'm going to miss you so much. Now. The next point is... I'll admit, more difficult to write. More personal. This is mostly addressed to my old friends. The people who knew who I used to be. My old account. I know. I messed up really badly. I made a lot of dumb mistakes. I hurt people. Mostly unintentionally, but the point still stands. I regret it all very very much. I'm going to try not to linger on this for too long. Because I know I can't undo the things I've done. I know some things will always remain a little broken. I acknowledge that. But I just wanted to apologise. I'm not going to say this again, not because I don’t regret it but, like I said, I don't want to dwell too long on the past, but anyways: I'm really, really sorry. This isn't only dedicated to my old friends, but to anyone I hurt, anyone I yelled at, put down, made uncomfortable. Anyone I wronged. I hope you can forgive me. With that finally off my chest, I can move on to the next point: Which... I've forgotten. Dangit. OH WAIT, I remember now. Ironically, it was about remembering. Specifically, remembering me. I know what it's like, to feel like you'll never forget. Like you'll never move on. Sometimes it feels like anything can trigger a memory. Sometimes it feels like anything happy will make you sad, anything new will make you remember the old. I wish I could say I don't want to be remembered. The truth is, I do. But not too much. So remember me. Take a casual stroll down the memory lane from time to time. Smile at the happy moments. Laugh at my dumb jokes. Please, I'm very funni. But don't drown in your nostalgia. And don't focus on what could have been. It will destroy you. In other words, remember me, but don't miss me too much. I just went and read everything I've written as a whole. And... it's not perfect. But I'm happy with it, and I'm not going to edit it or I'll end up deleting the whole thing. What else is there left to say? Or wait, I know. Some of you guys are blaming yourselves for things that aren't your fault, I just KNOW it. And those kinds of thoughts are the ones that fester if left untreated. I just want to say, I don't blame any of you for anything. Okay? And if you muffinheads still have doubts: I forgive you for anything you've presumably done to me. Completely. I'm running out of points. I don't want to miss anything, but at the same time, I have to end this eventually.