[this is a joke btw please don't send an army of rats to my house to steal my brain] !!WARNING!!: MENTIONS OF UNALIVING, VIOLENCE, AND HECK BUT FOR CATS. DO NOT READ IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT. SERIOUSLY. So, I made the plot outline for the best Warrior cat series ever [Erin Hunter please make these into actual books please please please] Here are the books: The Sixth Deadly Sin: The prelude shows Darncat receiving the prophecy “The epitome of gluttony, dressed in a robe of orange and black, will come to rain pure terror on the clans.” At this point Garfieldblood [our main character] is just Garfield and has been recently born (approximately two moons ago) to Jon and Liz, two kittypets. He wanders off, curious about the outside world. He ends up tumbling down a hill into the lake, and is saved from drowning by Bramblestar, who decides to adopt him in secret, renaming him Garfieldkit. Thus begins the journey into heck. He proves himself to always be hungry, an effect of his role of the personification of gluttony and overindulgence, often raiding the fresh-kill pile and getting scolded. At the end of the book, we see him wander off again, and eat some lasagna (which he calls “cheesy lifeblood”), beginning his addiction to it. The book closes with the haunting message “Thus started the beginning of the end.” Hungry for More: The book opens with Garfieldkit becoming an apprentice, being taken on by Bramblestar himself and becoming Garfieldpaw. He talks with Squirrelflight, expressing his excitement about his new role and freedom to run off from camp and track down lasagna. His obsessive talk about lasagna concerns Squirrelflight, who warns him not to get himself hurt. Most of the book after this is dedicated to Garfieldpaw breaking and entering twoleg nests, stealing various foods and looking for lasagna. He nearly dies twice: once to eating raisins by accident (raisins are poisonous to him) and once to an angry twoleg who catches him eating some bacon, ending up with a nasty scar on his back leg from that. He returns to Thunderclan camp and asks for medical attention. Squirrelflight sees him, and begs him to stop chasing after lasagna, and that “the real lasagna is the friends he made along the way.” Garfieldpaw ignores this. However, he manages to make it through the rest of his apprenticeship without dying and becomes Garfieldblood. The book closes with another cat, Odiehound, looking with suspicioun upon Garfieldblood, and a close up of Garfieldblood’s face shifting into a menacing smile as the Thunderclan cats chant his new name. The Insatiable King: The book starts with Garfieldblood raiding the fresh-kill pile. Again. He mutters to himself about his clanmates not focusing enough on getting food and instead being obsessed with patrolling and making sure other clans don’t do anything nasty. He is selected to go to the island, where the clans discuss the state of things. They accuse each other of stealing stuff and crossing borders and whatnot. Garfieldblood is annoyed by this, thinking that he should be running things instead of the leaders, and that way everything would be running smoothly, and everyone would be eating food instead of arguing. Then he realizes that he could indeed become leader and work things out from there. So, after the meeting, he steals some more lasagna, pushes Squirrelflight into the lake, plays it off as an accident, and tricks Bramblestar into making him leader. Odiehound is suspicious of this, and nonverbally [as he is mute] accuses Garfieldblood of unaliving Squirrelflight, thus starting their rivalry. A few days later, Garfieldblood attacks Bramblestar, ticks away all nine of his lives, and throws him into the lake. He then accuses Odiehound of it and becomes leader. Garfield’s nine lives are very interesting: When he goes to receive them, the ground opens up beneath him into a sort of void, and thousands of claws drag him under into a horrific, pitch-black realm known as “Cat [heck]”. All the cats in this realm are reddish wisps that form vague outlines of their former selves. Cat [heck] is then revealed to be the place that all cats that fade from The Dark Forest end up in, forever haunted by their worst nightmares. How Garfieldblood managed to receive his nine lives from them is unknown, but it may have something to do with him representing one of the seven deadly sins. He received his nine lives in this order: Darktail, giving him the gift of fluent Italian. Hawkfrost, giving him the gift of strength. Redwillow, giving him the gift of manipulation. Ashfur, giving him the gift of hatred. A cat known as “Silentstrike”, giving him the gift of deception. Darkstripe, giving him the gift of inflicting fear. A cat known as Straightspine, giving him the gift of good posture. Brokenstar, giving him the gift of rage. Tigerstar, giving him the gift of no mercy. The book ends with him returning to the living world, crawling out of the moonpool drenched in pasta sauce for some reason.
[continued from above] Midnight in Italy: Garfieldstar returns to his clan, ready to rain heck upon the other cats. He announces that the cats of Thunderclan must get him lasagna, or he will [death] them. They also must force the other clans to join in this lasagna-getting expedition or he will, again, [death] them. The cats, terrified, comply, first taking Windclan, then Riverclan, then finally Shadowclan. Garfieldstar gathers all the cats together, and tells them that they now serve one superclan, Garfieldclan, and must dedicate their lives to getting him lasagna. The book flicks to Odiehound watching this chaos from atop a hill. He frowns. Then, he gets a sudden vision from Starclan: Rattypatty, the greatest warrior that ever lived, tells him that he is the only hope to save the clans. Odiehound is confused. The vision abruptly ends with Rattypatty apperating in the living realm, telling Odiehound that the training for the battle of his life has begun. The book continues with a montage of cats getting lasagna and adding it to a massive pile in front of Garfieldstar, who sits and watches, and another montage of Odiehound training with Rattypatty. At the very end of this, Rattypatty tells Odiehound to “seek the unmoist grapes.” The book finishes out with Odiehound breaking into Thunderclan camp, (now called Garfieldclan Central) ready to confront Garfield. The Garfining: Odiehound confronts Garfieldstar, ready to slay the foul beast. Garfieldstar smiles, tells Odiehound that he’s too late, and mutates into a horrific being described as having an unimaginably horrifying form made of pure lasagna and hunger known as Garfieldlord. He then unleashes a horrific, deafening roar that begins the Lasagna Plague: A horrific wave of gluttonous energy that turns everything and everyone in its path into lasagna and traps the souls of the cats it slays in the Garfield Realm, which isn’t described very much other than being “a realm of eternal Garfining.” What this means is still being debated within the fandom. Starclan, however, gave Odiehound plot armor, making Odiehound immune to the Plague. Garfieldlord and Odiehound fight, with Odiehound removing a single life from Garfieldlord, but then being thrown against a lasagna tree and unalived. But then, he’s revived temporarily by the last bit of power Starclan can muster, which taxes it so much that it succumbs to the Lasagna Plague and all the dead cats in it are taken to the Garfield Realm. Odiehound then remembers Rattypatty’s message of “seeking the unmoist grapes.” Odiehound breaks into a house, finds a box of raisins (which cannot be converted into lasagna by the Lasagna Plague because of their unique anti-Garfield properties) and throws them at Garfieldlord, instantly deathing him and causing a massive shift in the timeline, resulting in the undoing everything Garfield did up to eating the raisins he stole from somebody’s house, which do actually end up deathing him this time, sending him straight to the Dark Forest. (He would go to Cat [heck], but he hadn’t faded.) Presumably, Garfieldblood retained all his memories. At the very end of the book, Garfieldblood is seen whispering “I am Garfieldlord. I will be your mentor.” to a newborn kit named Ratkit, implying he will return in future books.
