When will it end? I wonder how long it will be until it’s illegal for me to exist When Not if It’s not a question anymore It never really was I know more than anyone thinks I do I’m not innocent I’m just good at pretending I see echoes of the past in the present It* will happen again [will should be italicized] I see my thoughts mirroring those of the people who were alive then Thoughts that seemed so extreme before But I understand now I exist outside of time Just like the hate that has made me who I am I doubt I will die of a natural cause and I am terrified I don’t feel anything anymore I’m used to it Used to a broken world that would be happy if I died They deny our right to exist There isn’t a difference between existing and resisting anymore Our existence has become an act of resistance Everywhere I recognize the barely hidden fear that has become my life My brain won’t let me feel Just like it won’t let me remember It knows it’s not safe I feel everything and nothing Does anything matter anymore? I can’t sleep I can’t stop thinking I’m not strong enough to explain to someone I know will never understand To someone I know will always see me as the person I can pretend to be I have tried so many times But what choice do I have? I don’t care anymore I know I can’t continue this way At some point it will end Will they care then? *The Holocaust, or something like it
