plese read. :) so, what would you do if i leave and don't come back? i hope it breaks you in two - tate mcrae, what would u do hi. i'm maddy. i'm (almost) fourteen years old, in the eighth grade. and i have come so far from the story i'm about to tell you. buckle up :) seventh grade was the most awful year of my life, it had very few high highs and very many low lows. it all started in february... (some names are cover, some are not) i had a big fight with my best friend at the time, bridget. i can barely remember it but it was about something stupid. so i had to sit somewhere else during lunch. i decided to sit with haley, one of my friends, and her friend group. i fit right in, and it felt amazing. i stayed there for a month or two, even after bridget and i inevitably made up (with no apologies from either end) eventually, i had to leave. and this is something i must admit, even though it was an accident. ok. so backstory. me and bridget went to the same elementary school and we were the only ones to come from that school to our current school, so we stuck together. eventually she started becoming really toxic, in ways i can't bear to talk about again, but i will for this. she made fun of me for wearing this purple shirt with a flamingo on it in 6th grade (it was so freaking cute </3), said it looked "kiddish". i said, well, bridget, we're still kids. she didn't care. another time she shamed me for having a lot of arm hair. i'm czech and italian, so my arm and leg hair is naturally pretty dark (while my head hair is lighter). often she would say awful things, and i would literally write it down so i could prove to her how bad she treated me, and she would always use the same excuse. "well i know what i said better than you do, cause i said it." and when i would say something and bridget would spin it, i would say that too, and she would say "no, that's not what you said. i promise." and then tell someone the story, spun her way, and say "oh, such and such says it went this way too, so i'm obv right" anyway. me and haley had been friends for almost a year at that time, and she came out to me as bi. she was good friends with bridget as well, so my dumb butt found a meme about grammar and bi people (it was like bi people are actually a biscuit or st like that) and i showed it to bridget, forgetting that other people were around. i learned from that, and have never said anything about someone else's sexuality to anyone, even if they're out and proud, like one of my best friends london. so haley got really mad at me, which is understandable, but she never got over it. so anyone know the pyramid from dance moms? even if you do, i'll explain. basically in dance moms, abby lee miller would rank the girls on how good they were that week. and haley did a similar thing. every week she would rank her friends on a pyramid. based on how "good they were" that week. haley ripped me off the wall, tore the picture apart, and blended it up and drank it. now it sounds silly but didn't to me at the time. it hurt beyond words. then, in may, i was going to go to a concert with my best friend at the time (we're still really good friends dw hehe), and haley found out who that best friend liked by way of bribing bridget (who i was still good friends with at the time) and haley was going to make a secret account telling the girl he liked her, saying i told her. the girl would then tell my best friend, and ideally would not want to be friends with me anymore and un invite me to the concert. haley saying all this simply resulted in her getting recorded, it being sent to me, me telling my best friend the entire story, it all working out in the end. but the fact that such an awful thing even crosses someone's mind is... wicked. anyway we kept acting like friends for the sake of our mutual friends until the end of the year. also she's the type of girl who NEEDS to be the center of attention, 24/7. you'll start talking about yourself, she's gonna interrupt you and talk about something super unimportant, and if you interrupt her, she snaps at you and storms away after scolding you. anyway one of the things that hurt the most about the entire haley situation was that she would tell me that "she didn't like drama", and I think it was because she didn't want to hear me talk about the issues i had with bridget. because as soon as it became part of her problem, or she made the problem, she would act like regina george and just... absolute psycho. ok, moving on to the rest of the bridget situation. one of my current best friends, anna, was in the same science class as bridget and this girl holly. towards the end of the school year, anna (quick backstory at the beginning of every school day we had advisory for 25ish minutes and london and anna were both there, i would vent to london about bridget issues, and anna thought nothing i said was truthful cause bridget seemed nice buuuut) let me know that (CONT)
(CONT) bridget and holly were talking about me in science class. more backstory- whenever bridget would do something bad, i would tell the same best friend that i went to the concert with (sean) when we found a time to hang out (ride bikes together, we're on the same mountain bike team) and he would help me out. because he was someone i could actually trust. who loved me (still does). one time bridget scratched me (for whatever reason) and broke my bracelet (after pulling on it and sl@pping my hand multiple times). one that's very close to my heart. one that is made in the colors of cervical cancer awareness, which my friend's aunt unfortunately passed from. the scratches left markes on my arm, and i went to go complain to bridget the next day and THIS GIRL- SHE LITERALLY SAID I SCRATCHED MYSELF AND FRAMED HER :SOB: also, for her birthday, bridget was going to go on a trip to new york city. since i go to nyc a lot for family, i told her "it's gonna be stinky, loud, bright, you won't be able to sleep." she told my other friends that i was trying to ruin the new york trip for her. later on, after i blocked her in the summer, i unblocked her to say hbd and she said "also u were right about new york, i could barely sleep last night" and that made me so. freaking. mad. cause i was just trying to look out for someone who i loved. anyway some of the things bridget and holly said in science class were- 1. i was gay and liked london 2. i liked sean (ok that one may *still* be true but hush) (edit: we dated for 3 days a couple days after this, and in may 2023 now he has a buzz cut and umm... he v--pes so im like really trying to distance myself) 3. i was trying to ruin her new york trip, i was jealous of her and didn't want her to enjoy it (i've been to nyc countless times so there's no reason for me to be) 4. i scratched myself and framed her because "thats not what it looks like when she scratches people" 5. i made sean hat3 bridget 6. i was a liar 7. i was toxic (giiirl look in the mirror) 8. i scratched her, left marks, and wouldn't apologize (wonder where that came from) anyway so yes. it was awful. i ended up blocking her in late june, got tons of messages from friends telling me to unblock her, it was also awful. i also had trouble with her staring at me in class.. but my best friend helped me talk to her about it(: may 2023 UPDATE: me and bridget are kind of good friends again now. we were seated next to each other in ela and ended up talking the whole thing out, we were both in a bad place mentally and our friendship was just totally toxic from both ends march 2024 UPDATE: me and haley are friends now too <3 now here's the most important part. what i've learned from that year: 1. some people just aren't meant to be friends 2. not everyone's going to like you 3. friends make you happy and confident, not insecure and depressed. 4. good friends don't share secrets. they're secrets for a reason. 5. friends don't lie unless it's for your sake (and very rarely does that happen) 6. real friends don't go behind your back. 7. when real friends make mistakes, they apologize and try to make up for it. 8. when real friends have problems or are mad at the other, they communicate that and resolve the issue. 9. you should trust a real friend with both the little and big things. 10. when your mom gets a bad vibe from someone, LISTEN. TO. HER. things i still struggle with, even though i've pretty much recovered: 1. overthinking everything i did wrong (*cough* i got diagnosed with anxiety lol) 2. comparing my friends now to them 3. can't stop thinking about the situations 4. can't stop worrying that my new friends will turn out like them 5. having trouble trusting people and confiding in them but, it's all a part of life. i've experienced a little bit of drama here and there, but me and my friends attack it together. it's always someone coming at us, not us attacking each other. but. thank you, bridget, for being the best friend i needed, for being someone who was willing to put up with me, even if you were toxic. i respect you for being my friend when no one else was. i loved our friendship, but some people just aren't meant to be friends. i learned a good lesson from you. and i don't hate you. i truly don't. good luck out there. and thank you anna, sasha, london, avery, sean (<3) (may 2023 edit: ew stop ur gross), and so many more people (may 2023 edit: ashley, mariela, ian, izayiah, colin, violette, val <3) (march 2024 edit: get rid of ian pls he is a crEEeEeEp !) who have touched my heart and who love me just the way i am, to the moon and back. i could never live without you guys. love yall <3 and thank YOU for reading this lengthy essay. scratch is what kept me afloat during covid. and i hope i can continue creating on here for much longer. thank you, maddy <3 (and no thank you to haley, the only good thing she ever did to me was help me out when i bled through one day but thats it lol)
