9/28/2022 I'm going to try to log as much as possible so yeah. This is just talking about what has been happening with me and my current state. It's just laying things down so my next logs will make sense :) So there's alot of me just talking about my problems but my next logs will hopefully be better! you if you're in a down mood right now this also has some down stuff in it so just letting you know. Its Wednesday and school has been hard. There's this boy named Christoher who has a crush on me. I do not feel the same and when he confessed, I politely declined but said we can still be friends because I don't hate him. But I do now. This kid seems to not understand what that means. He tries to hold my hand eveytime I see him. And has continuously asked me to be his girlfriend and asking if I like him yet? I always say no but he won't leave me alone. I take the bus and he is sadly he is on my bus. Recently he has started to make sexual remarks and advances on me. And I can't seem to shake him. But that guy isn't my only problem sadly there are multiple girls and boys who like to act like my friends but tell me things that will make me "more beautiful" It's pretty much telling me to shave my legs, my eyebrows, wear makeup. I have a unibrow and I really like it but people really love to tell me that its ugly that that it need to be "thinner" and that will make me attractive, but I don't want to force myself to be attractive. There's also this kid obsessed with God who somehow found out I'm Bi and outed me. I have made a few friends through this, but a lot of kids don't like me... I would talk to the teacher I trust but I think they're going through a lot too because the teacher I trust the most I found crying in the girl's bathroom. I haven't told anybody about that because I don't think she would like that. I'm failing math and don't get much sleep anymore. Going to sleep early is at like 11pm to me now and my bus comes at 7:05 lol. I don't really tell my mom or anybody about this. My mom has her own problems, and I don't want to make an even bigger problem for her. She's always at work or her boyfriends and I don't have a problem with it. She seems happy (Continue in notes and credits)
Plus, sometimes when she comes home from her boyfriend's house, she brings back food because her boyfriend is a chief my favorite foods, he makes is red rice, Cheeze garlic and lemon noodles, pretzels and dill bread. It's really nice when she does bring home food because we mostly have cheap microwave food like ramen, T.V dinners and canned chef Boyardee cans. We sometimes get packaged lettuce containers and when we do I make Caeser salads. This way of food intake is not really good for me as I am anemic more specifically Iron, Zink and Vitamin D deficiency. I do have vitamins for me Vitamin D deficiency but not for the others. And as you guys probably know I was born a girl, so I get my period and that is an absolute nightmare. Because I have an Iron deficiency and Iron is something very important for making blood. And when you're on your period you lose a lot of blood (Or at least I do) And with not a lot of iron I can't make enough blood to replace the blood I lose. So I go through Headaches, randomly fainting, lightheadedness and extreme weakness. And on top of that my body likes to lock up on itself even when I'm not on my period but It happens more often when on my period it happens much more often. Basically, what that means is sometimes one of my joints will lock into the place it is currently in. It usually won't last for too long, but it did once happen in school, and I was in the middle of me changing classes, so I was stuck in my seat for 30 MINUTES I HAD TO SIT WITH A RANDOM CLASS FOR 30 MINUTES BECAUSE OF MY STUPID BODY IS COLAPSING ON ITSELF. Other than that, that's really it for my body problems. My mom is currently going to be gone for 5 days so it's just going to be me. For what I do in my daily life I mostly just lay in my bed or draw due to not having the energy to do anything else. I sleep alot when I'm home from school really getting up to eat. And even thought the food is bad for me I just eat so much. I took 2 sandwiches, Two Muffins a brisk Iced tea, tub of fruit and a mandarin orange to school for lunch and ate it all. People watched me do this and were looking at me. They would comment how much I just ate and how I shouldn't eat that much, or I'll become fat, but I don't have a problem being bigger I've actually liked the idea of just being a bit thicker (Not in a bad way I have no ill intentions with this) I just see myself being happier with being a little bigger for I am very skinny (Know this is not why I eat a lot I just really like food -w-) Maybe this is just me dreaming of being heathier but I really would like to see myself gain weight. But not in an unhealthy way. I also don't really like calling bigger people fat I like to call them fluffy! It seems to make them feel better and makes them happy. Well, that's it for now I'll update tomorrow hopefully
