i disappoint everyone. ive let down at least 10 people today alone. i feel so heavy. my parents keep yelling at me for my grades. my band teacher hates me. all of my teachers hate me, honestly. why am i even still here? it hurts. i feel sad 24/7. i put on a fake smile around my friend group because half of them make fun of me when im sad and the others interrogate me trying to figure out what's wrong. i feel empty. I have the permanent mindset of "everything ends". I'm so tired. my eyes are red and puffy. i just wanna be able to be with robin for the rest of my life. but now i cant even see her tomorrow-! i have to wait till monday. all i want is to be held in her arms. but that cant happen. honestly i should just give up- how many people would really miss me? My parents act like im bad at everything and i suck and i am worthless and weak- they praise my sisters for their looks and talents constantly. all i get is a "thanks for getting that assignment turned in" like once every 2 weeks. i work my ssa off. but i'm not pretty. i'm not skinny. i'm not a gymnast. i'm not a cheerleader. I'm not flawless in every way so i don't deserve praise. i don't deserve love. i don't deserve anything but a "you need to set a better example for your (perfect) sisters". I'm weak and talentless and ugly according to them and y'know what- they are COMPLETELY right. i don't deserve anything. i don't deserve love, and especially not from robin- they are the most amazing person I have ever met. they don't deserve me..i cant give them everything...god i want to... but i can't... i cant do enough for anyone...i'm sorry... to everyone...that i cant give any one of you everything and single handedly fix everything...im sorry
