I’m taking a break from scratch. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone I may post randomly from sudden busts of motivation, but shouldn’t be to often I just don’t have the energy to do anything anymore- and this is making that worse. I’ll probably still respond to comments occasionally, but I won’t be posting I just feel like everything in my life is falling apart- I recently moved away from the only home I’ve ever known, to the other side of the planet I only have one friend I can talk to, and even then only rarely due to the time difference. I don’t have anyone nearby to talk to Because I moved I don’t have a therapist anymore either I’ve been struggling with depression for about four years now, but it’s only gotten worse. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live the way I am. The smallest thing sends me spiraling, I don’t want to talk to anyone, but I also can’t stand not talking to anyone. I’ve been pretending to be happy for so long.. I don’t have the energy to do it anymore I try so much to keep everyone else happy- because I don’t want them to feel the way I do, but it’s just making it worse I can’t talk to my parents about it because the only thing they do is make it worse I can’t tell when I’m happy or sad anymore I don’t find anything fun anymore This mixed with separation anxiety makes it that much worse- I’d say I’m not the same anymore, but I can’t even recognize myself now. I mean, even my profile was named after smiling depression, as I’ve had it for so long- it’s become a part of who I am at this point- I’m tired I’m done with trying to be happy I don’t know if I can be happy anymore I’m lonely And nothing is familiar anymore. Even if it isn’t safe anymore I want to go back where I was before At least I had friends At least I wasn’t alone I don’t want to be alone anymore But I don’t have a choice There’s never a choice I’ll see you all when I come back Until then, hope everyone has a good 24 hours Thanks for reading.
Art is by me. Before you ask, yes they are a character, and you probably won’t see them often as they are a very personal character. If you do see them it’s probably a vent or I’m just not doing well that day
