Abby: When life gives you lemons, what do you do? AN: Make lemonade! Abby: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own crap. Abby: Could you maybe just like… stab me… right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. ‘Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation. Abby: *sees someone doing something stupid* Abby: What an idiot. Abby: *realizes it's Pip* Abby: Wait, that's MY idiot! Pip: Abby is a perfect cinnamon scone who’s never done anything wrong in their entire life! Nova: Never done anything wrong?! They set a city block on FIRE! Nova: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare. An: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great. Nova: Not when you’re playing with Pip, it’s not. They put words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.” Pip: Darn, the power went out. Nova: Don’t worry, I got this. Nova: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up* Pip: What-? Nova: I swallowed a glow stick! Pip, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU- Pip: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it. Pip: And I started thinking. Pip: Like, it was just trying to get food. Pip: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck? Nova: Are you ok? Pip: I would never say that my partner is a idiot and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a idiot and I like them so much! An: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life. Abby: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? An: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. Pip: Edible. Pip : I have seen a lot of murders in my time, and all six of them were today. Pip : Here's two facts about me. Pip : 1. I hate hot people. Pip : 2. I'm a hypocrite. *An rushes by with an armful of water bottles* Pip : What's going on? Abby: An wouldn't drink water. Pip : ...And? Abby: And I asked them how fast they could chug an entire bottle. An, loudly: 16 OUNCES IN TEN SECONDS, BOIS!!! *Pip and Nova looking at a locked gate into a park* Pip: Aw. :( Nova: You know what they say. Pip: Please don’t- Nova: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate* Pip: Frick- Pip: I’m Pip. I’m an accountant. Abby: I’m Abby. I have a knife. Nova: I don’t even use tubberware anymore. An: What are you saying? Say it again. Nova: Tubberware. An: Say it again. Slow. Nova: Tubberware. An: Slow, very slow - actually, say the first syllable. Nova: Tub. An: Wrong. Nova: What do you mean, wrong? An: I thought I caught that. You’re saying tub. It’s P. Nova: What are you talking about? An: Tupperware. Tupper. Nova: It’s tupper! An: It’s tupper, always has been, always will be. Nova: I thought it was tubberware because it kind of looks like a tub. Nova: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship. Pip: We’re not friends. Nova, holding an axe: We’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence. Abby: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve. An: I think you mean cards. Nova: They did not. Abby, pulling out knives: I did not. Abby: Did Pip just tell me they loved me for the first time? An: Yeah, they did. Abby: Did I just do finger guns back? An: Yeah, you did. Pip: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Abby and not do the thing, Pip: Well there’s a clear right answer here. Pip: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke* Abby: I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Pip: Dang, that sounds like a marriage proposal. Abby, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is. Abby: You remind me of the ocean. An: Because I'm deep and mysterious? Abby: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people. *Abby and Pip are in Paris.* Abby: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny? Pip: But... Abby: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and... Pip: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception? Abby: Yeah. Pip: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe. Abby: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION. Pip: Okay, alright. (I love the music from inception X3) Pip, to Abby: We had a date! Pip: *aggressively points to Hello Kitty Coloring Book* Pip: Ugh, crushes are so dumb. Abby: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid. Pip: But you’re always acting stupid? Abby: ... Abby: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard. Pip: An, I screwed up, big time. An: Pip, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific. Abby: How do I tell Pip that I want them to yell at me like they're Gordon Ramsay and I'm a poor little chef who just ruined a crème brûlée?
Pip: Baby vibes... hold gentle... like hamburger. Abby: Punt like football. Cop: You ran a red light. An: So did you, hypocrite. Cop: I was following you. An: That was dumb, I'm a terrible driver. Cop: Get out. Pip: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you... Abby: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey. Nova: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone. Pip: Mine just says "Pip no." Nova: I want you to apply it to every possible situation. Pip: What are your three best qualities? Abby: I’m hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends. (bro
