Abby: I’m afraid of clowns. There, I said it. Reese: Abby, if you don't like clowns, why are you hanging with Erin? Erin: I desire moisture. Reese: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person. *Abby is talking about their past* Abby: I guess it was that day I came home to a cold, empty house, devoid of light and love, and I knew then that my sorrows would only grow. Reese: Abby, this is the saddest life story I have ever heard! And you haven't even covered the teen years! Erin: Oh, I'm sure it gets better! Abby: Ha! No, at eleven, things really took a turn for the worst. Erin: FRICK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED! Erin: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY! Charlie: Erin just threw a tantrum about a chair. Charlie: I just won Erin Tantrum Bingo. Charlie: Did you miss me while I was gone? Abby: You were gone? Abby: Do I least have a chance to explain myself? Charlie: This is America, so nope! Abby: This isn't America, this is OHIO! Erin: Charlie, can I speak to you for a minute? In private. Charlie: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that. Charlie: How did none of you hear what I just said?! Erin: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Abby: I got distracted halfway through. Reese: Ignoring you was a conscious decision. *Comments under an image of a really hot knife cutting bread* Charlie: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife. Erin: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful. Abby: if you want information it is Reese: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST? Abby: Wow! Erin made you cry? Charlie, tearing up: Yes, and they said some really mean things that are only partly true. Abby: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Charlie and not do the thing, Abby: Well there’s a clear right answer here. Abby: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke* Charlie: My stomach growled super loud in French. Charlie: I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class. Reese: Bonjour. Abby: Le growl. Erin: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette. Erin, after getting a library card: Now I know what true power feels like. Erin: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're impressed. Reese: But you do know better. Erin, rushing into the room: It’s terrible, just terrible! I am so upset! Reese: Erin, honey, sit down! Sweetheart, tell us all about it. Abby, would you get Erin some water? Abby: What are they gonna do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, “Thank God, the water’s here!”? Charlie: Stop failing. Abby: Don’t tell me what to do! I'll fail right now! Abby: *Succeeds* Abby: Dang it! Reese: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying. Abby, putting their hands over Erin's eyes: Guess who! Erin: It's either Abby or the cold, clammy hands of death. Abby, putting their hands away: It's Abby! Erin: Darnit. Abby: What if mayonnaise came in cans? Erin: Well, that would such because you can't microwave metal. Reese: Good morning to everyone except these two people. Charlie: I give up. I am so tired. Erin: Get the emergency supply! Abby: *carries Reese and places them in front of Charlie* Reese: *smiles* Charlie: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO Abby: You are a spineless twit! Reese: You cannot talk to me that way, I am your superior! Abby: A six-year-old girl could talk to you that way! Reese: Yes, because that would be adorable. Abby: No, it's because you are a five-year-old girl and there's a pecking order. Charlie, texting: Answer your phone Erin, texting back: Wait a minute, I can’t find my phone Charlie: Understood Charlie, 5 minutes later: You’re a terrible person. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing me, Erin. Abby: So what are your political beliefs? Erin, awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.
