An: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem. Pip: Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet? Abby: What? Like J F K W S Q X- Pip: No, like, U R A Q T. Abby: Awwww! Pip: I can't imagine what Abby is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal. An: I can't believe you've done this..... Nova: I'm sorry I didn't know-! An, on the verge of tears: YOU CAN'T JUST BUY ME A GIFT OUT OF NOWHERE NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE JERK!!! Pip: I like to think of myself as a semi responsible adult here. An: Nova is 70% of your impulse control and you know this Pip. Nova: I feel like Pip is the more responsible one of us two though. Pip: We are both 70% of each others' impulse control. Nova: Just two lil beasts in pinwheel hats spinning on the merry-go-round at dangerous velocities, holding each other’s hands so the other doesn’t fall off. Nova: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can’t take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth Pip: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly." An: Would you slap Nova- Pip: Yes. An: I didn't even finish! Pip: Sorry, continue. An: Would you slap Nova for 10 dollars? Pip: I would do it for free. Nova: Rude... Nova: I’ve been sleeping so little the past few nights that when I go to the alarm app, I click on the “power nap” button. I don’t set up alarms, I set up timers, An. *An and Abby are planning to break in somewhere* An: We need to distract the guards. Abby: Right. An: What are we gonna do? Abby: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes. An: Abby: An: Deal. Pip: Welcome to Freaking Applebees, do you want apples or bees? Nova: Bees? Pip: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES! Nova: Wait- *Abby approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly* Abby: I told An that their ears turn red when they lie. Pip: Do they? Abby: No. Pip: Then why did you tell them that? Abby: Because I can do this. Abby: Hey An! Do you love us? An, with their hands over their ears: No. Abby: What's gone wrong, Nova? Nova: Hey! That’s one heck of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis. Abby: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling? Nova: Well... There’s a crisis. An: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not! Pip: An, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday. An: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it! Nova: ...It was a bug. An: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not! Pip: ... Nova: ... An: Stop looking at me like that! An, about Pip: They're speaking some kind of French. Nova: Let me handle it. I speak Spanish. It's the same thing. An: Abby just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then they reached down and untied my shoe. Abby: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant. Pip, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I'm TOO friendly? There's no pleasing you. Nova, who broke into their house an hour ago: Two sugars please. Pip: Coming right up. An: *shatters a window and climbs through it* An: *turns around and helps Pip through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Pip. Pip: Okay. Pip: Ask me anything. Go ahead, I'll give you a straight answer. Abby: Why are we so freaking awesome? Pip: That's the best freaking question anybody's ever asked.
