IBDB Episode 19

Instructions

I wrote the entire episode today on my phone in two different car rides and i am very proud of myself-- I don’t know why I was standing there, watching them sleep together when it hurt me so much. /“Maybe we can’t… maybe we shouldn’t do this anymore…”/ I always feel like a colossal failure, and this time’s no different. But instead of sobbing, shaking, bang-my-head-against-the-wall anger and sorrow, it’s late. And it’s morphed into something that simply and quietly ate at me from the inside out. But my feet were stuck on the ground, and my hand was glued to their doorframe, and I sat there wondering why everyone else around me had a happy ending while I couldn’t even fathom the idea of trying to get any sort of sleep. I heard shifting. My eyes widened and the glue on my bare feet seemingly disintegrated, because suddenly I could lift them and they weren’t as heavy anymore now that someone finally noticed my staring. I stepped backwards, back into the shadows of their living room so I wasn’t seen watching them while they slept. But I was too late, because Corrupt was already blinking at me with squinted eyes as he sat up. “Rowan…?” He rubbed at his face a bit and leaned forward to see me a bit better. I eased away from the door but was still clearly visible, by the looks of it. “Sorry. Sorry. I was just thinking about things, I’ll get out of your hair now.” I just wanted to leave now, feeling awkward in both this bedroom and my own. /“I… I think you’re right. But I don’t know if I completely realized it was because of that.”/ “Wait.” Corrupt held out a hand before patting the foot of his bed. “Come sit.” I swallowed nervously and sat down. The silence felt heavy, though I guess it wasn’t complete silence. The crickets were loud, even through the closed window. Finally, after what felt like minutes, Corrupt let out a sigh. “Five stars?” “W—pardon?” “How would you rate us?” He gave me a smile, a little wink. When I opened my mouth to answer no words came out, because I had no idea how to respond. So he continued, his smile fading into more of a serious conversation expression. “Has sharing a room been fine? Inigo doesn’t take up too much space or stuff, but you do have to sleep on the floor…” /“Rowan, I—sometimes wondered if you only date me because I’m Fuji’s brother.”/ I winced, looking down at the floor. “Yeah, y-yeah, it’s been fine.” /“Rowan?” “Yes? Do you need something?” “… can we talk?”/ “I hope you and Inigo are good roommates. You do seem to have become good friends.” “… yeah. Yeah. Good friends.” /“I don’t want it to be awkward, but I—” “You don’t want us to be a thing anymore. I—I get it.” “… Thanks, Rowan.” “… Yeah. Yeah, Inigo.”/ Corrupt drummed at his leg a bit, blowing out a stream of air like he was trying to figure out how to make the awkward silence disappear. I took that as a chance to stand back up, dusting my hands against my pants and sighing. “I—should get to bed.” “Alright.” I hurried to get out their door, glancing back at Corrupt only once when he said my name. “And Rowan?” “Oh, uh—yes?” “I’m glad you came to us for help.” “… Thanks, Corrupt.” I sidestepped a bit closer to the living room. “See you tomorrow, Rowan.” “See you.” /“I’m sorry. I didn’t—realize I was treating it like that. I guess it was subconscious—” “You don’t have to make excuses, Rowan. It’s fine.” … “Goodnight, Inigo.” “Yeah. Night.”/