IBDB Episode 22

Instructions

I am-- so sorry for the absence of IBDB last week it hhh i was in Pennsylvania okay-- I honestly did not think I'd get this one out just because I had so much today but wooOOo I got it- "You're not Fuji" -Corrupt 2022 I took another deep sip of coffee, leaning against the back of the couch and glancing around the darkened living room. It was past midnight. I had managed to coax Fuji to sleep—considering it was a Thursday night—but I didn’t really want to sleep myself. So I sat there while shadows danced in stagnant night around me, the occasional headlights passing our house brightening the room in lines of light before the darkness returned. This coffee was bitter, which was not what I was in the mood for, but I didn’t bother getting up to add something to it. I heard the sound of a door opening and sighed. “Fuj, you gotta go to sleep.” Though looking up from my mug, it was an entirely different door and an entirely different person. Rowan. I paused. “You’re not Fuji.” He nodded a bit, sitting down next to me and resting one leg on the couch. “I—I know that.” “You need something?” I raised my mug to my lips conversationally, downing the rest of my coffee and setting it on the ground next to the armrest. He stared at the floor for a moment more before looking up at me. His lips were pursed, his eyes frustrated and just slightly panicked. “I—well I didn’t— … I didn’t think that suddenly my love life would just appear within two months. Suddenly I’m eighteen and it’s like—‘oh wow, you think that boy is hot and that boy is pretty and /oh my god, he’s a redhead?/’, and—” His voice was fast, stumbling over his words. “—Something about it feels almost dippy or disloyal, I guess? I mean I had that thing for…” Swallow. “…. Fuji, and then… now it’s just so overwhelming. I feel like I’m crushing on all these people and I want them to notice me but at the same time I don’t—want to appear clingy or hurt any of them, because I’ve already done that a ton lately and that—it never ends well for me, Corrupt.” He looked back up at me and sighed, running a hand over his eyes and fingers through his hair. “… There’s a new kid at school? In our math class? It’s been, like, maybe a week since he came. And I think I’m in love.” I was grinning. I let him rant because I figured it’d be harder to make him stop. “He has red hair and a straight posture and—and olive eyes and he wears turtlenecks all the time, his shoes seem to click even when they’re on the carpet and his smile—” Rowan paused, taking a deep breath, panting. His words slowed down a bit. “… He doesn’t smile often, but when he does? It’s breathtaking, Corrupt.” “Can I ask why you’re telling me all this?” I crossed my legs on the couch and scooted to face him, my back against the armrest. “I’m not in your math class. I can’t really help you.” He thought for a few moments. I liked that about Rowan—when you told him something, he actually thought about it. Although Fuji did that at times, I think Rowan does it more. “Because I’m worried I’ll mess it up, and you’re a lot older than me, and I think you have more experience with this sort of thing.” “Tell you what.” I leaned forward, put a hand on his wrist. He looked at me with complete attention, desperate eyes. “Take a few deep breaths and get out of your gay crisis. All you have to do is go up to him and talk to him. Get to know him. That’s better than just admiring him from afar, okay?” That’s what he had done with Fuji, and it had ended with him being stuck in Estuary. But I didn’t say anything about that because Rowan didn’t need to hear that right now. “Befriend him. You’ll feel a lot better about that.” “And if he’s straight?” I hesitated. “… If he’s straight, and you confess and he tells you he’s straight, don’t take it as a personal offense. Stay his friend. It’ll hurt, and I know it’ll hurt, but you’ll be okay. Just take it one day at a time, Rowan. Tomorrow, I want you to say hi to him. Wave. Ask him what classes he has, invite him to sit with you at lunch, do something that will make you two better friends. You’ve got this, Rowan. One day at a time.” Rowan nodded, letting out a tense breath and leaning back. “Okay. O-Okay.” “Now go to bed. You can’t talk to wonderboy if you’re sleeping in.” I stood up, blinked a few times, got the sleepy out of my eye and started towards my bedroom. Rowan followed suit, walking towards his. “Thanks, Corrupt.” “Thank yourself. I’m glad you told me.” And with that we went our separate ways. I tucked into bed, stumbling blindly in the room before finally collapsing next to Fuji. He grumbled quietly and rolled a bit closer to me, pressing against my side. I let loose a smile and held him a bit closer to me, closing my eyes. Sleep came within minutes.