Junpei’s dRaMaTiC TrAuMa cLiP

Instructions

I remember laughter. It was such a sweet feeling. Something I’d never deserved in the first place. Even though I couldn’t see it, I could imagine that rat of a man facing me in the mirror. No, not a rat. I was far too pathetic- too hopeless to be compared to such a creature. A rat was noble compared to me. A rat was whole. A rat wasn’t a dead man grasping onto the hope of false reality with all he had left. I raised a hand to my face- though, again, I couldn’t see it. I could imagine it as wrinkled and skeletal- such an appearance would only be fitting for something as selfish and needy as I. Couldn’t I have spared the gods time, and never have existed? Couldn’t I have just… left? Forever? No. No I couldn’t have. Undeserving. I was undeserving of a true, honest death after what I’d done. They had all the right to curse me as… whatever it is I was now. They had all the right to lock the memories in my mind and play them on repeat. Over. And over. And over again. Her face. That was the worst memory. It was so cruelly real, I could practically reach out that mystery-hand of mine and touch it. Her face was so beautiful- so wholesome, when she was around him. But around me all it showed was fear and disgust. Ha. I couldn’t blame her. The sickness of this emotion- my /amuse/ in such a dark subject- it made my skin crawl. If it was skin. I couldn’t tell anymore. Placing a hand upon my own arm, I stifled a gasp. I was so cold. So very cold. It was like… ice was swelling up within my bones. And I was just realizing it now. Were those bumps along my arms? Probably welts or warts of some sort. Again, this would serve me right. …I remember when my skin was warm. She’d leaned against it- before she was disgusted and afraid. She’d told me it was comforting. I wonder what she’d think of it now. Alas, it’s my own fault, the cold. I was the one who jumped. It was probably the best moment of my life, jumping away from the grasp of reality. Those last few moments- those were so precious to me. For, they were the moments I realized what I was. What I’d always been. And what I always will be. A sad excuse for a being. Dropping my hand and ridding myself of the horrible cold, I sent a last glance at the empty mirror. Mirror’s were painful things- not only did they create shards for others to break their skin and flesh across- but also allowed rats like me to hide in its shadow.