okay... i'm going to be honest. i wanted to be here. i wanted to try. i wanted to last without feeling guilty. but i can't... it hasn't worked now, and it didn't work then. i lied. i'm not new to scratch. every year i've made one or more accounts, each time leaving without much explanation. well, here's my apology and my final goodbye. for real this time. i guess most of y'all are pretty confused - - it's storytime. i joined scratch back in 2019 with multiple accounts. each time i felt the need to leave, and i never knew why. the first was kittycatlover400... i faked my death. i was in fourth grade. lets just say that's where the depression started. then it was kiwikat_4life, and then -parislovely-. then it was -nazarii (yes, i was here before ottterstar was even born; i remember applying for that litter). i had birchberry as my first character, and then i had a new account under the name -nixx i think. i've had a lot, ok? i had coffeebaer, and drkpizza, and bxrrybaer. liimerence was one, too, but that was less well known. i'm so sorry, everyone. i am so damn sorry. and this has been the newest one... i guess i'm saying all of this because i never have before. leaving without a trace and just disappearing was never right, but its the reason i kept coming back. i kept missing the people i left and thought, if i came back as someone new, i could still be a part of their life without hurting them. ik i hurt them. ik my leaving hurt. i'm so, so, so sorry. i'm a christian and... it was all wrong. but this time i'm leaving not because my mh is wacky or i just can't handle it, this time i'm leaving because i know none of y'all will forgive me. and that's ok. i love you guys so damn much. but my conscience won't let me stay. i just can't. i'm an emotional trainwreck. and it sucks, but its true. and if i don't say this now i'll never get the chance to again because i'm a coward sometimes. but i'm hoping that this is one brave step in the right direction. i'm leaving all projects on or whatever, sharing all unfinished pieces and whatnot. i'm not staying to finish rps or anything. but i am going to say some personal apologies to my friends... even if they hate me. its fine. i deserve it. i'm going to be starting my second semester of highschool with a clear slate and clear conscience... hopefully, haha... i hope you all find true meaning in life and not in some website, and that you all learn to love what truly matters rather than putting all of your time and effort into a screen. - lily i love yall. i really do. i've said goodbye too many times to count, and even final goodbyes too many times. this is the real one. this is the one where i own up for my mistakes and leave it at that. i've repented. i've forgiven myself. that's where i messed up other times. i never did that. but now i have. it almost feels... freeing having said all that. anyways, goodbye guys. not me splitting up everything because it wouldn't all fit in the same section :skull: ooh old tfc char time: birchberry (og) forgot name oop saffronbee had a couple others i thiiink? sobbing in i only remember the good ones
to kale... i'm so, so sorry for everything. it broke my heart to leave you like i did. and it hurt to talk to you on this stvpid new account. i'm so, so sorry for everything. you were an amazing friend and i always loved talking with you. i still remember creamslay and i have had that piece just sitting around in my procreate since i made it. i deleted it today because i feel guilty everytime i see it. i won't be surprised to find that you knew it was me all along... you were great that way. artstyles never change that much, do they? i'm sorry for everything - the leaving, the coming back, the hurt, the betrayal, everything... don't forgive me unless you want to. ily anyways. to em... man, idek if you'll see this. you were like my best friend on here. we roleplayed and we talked so, so much and i looked forward to every. single. message. i loved creating that newtspark piece for you, and i kept it for a while. but i deleted it for the same reasons. i felt guilty. which is in /NO/ way justifying my actions. i'm so sorry for all the hurt i caused you by leaving. i won't ask for forgiveness, but i do hope you see this and read what i've said. i still think about you a lot, and i hope you're doing well. to ever... we didn't know each other very long. i doubt i'll be missed. but i do hope you have a good time. i enjoyed our small talks a lot and the encouragement during the beastly litter. everything - i'll miss you, okay? i admit it. to bloom... we didn't know eachother long, either. but i still enjoyed our short-lived friendship. i hope you get better soon and find amazing rpers for all of your kits, remini especially. and to everyone else i have talked with, enjoyed, and care about... i hope you can forgive me one day. i didn't know you long and i didn't make an impact. but i do hope you find peace in life. this is my goodbye. i might answer comments, but probably not. turning off all of my comments on other projects and leaving this one open. find your purpose. don't put so much emphasis on scratch because, in the long run, scratch won't fulfil your desires. it won't bring life meaning. it won't fill that numb, empty void inside of you. it won't bring you joy. only temporary happiness and stress. but, anyways, i guess i better wrap this up. no one looked at this long enough to read to here anyways pff-- you all deserved much more than a paragraph; you all meant more than a paragraph, but i gtg soon, so... adios
