Author’s Note: Mr. Gawne has bad handwriting, horrible spelling, and garbage grammar. These are loosely translated to be readable. December 14, 2018 Mr. gawne Dear diary, It’s the middle of Uhhh…. What month is December? Uggh… Maybe I should write to that guy in a red suit, I guess. I want a lump of coal! I will be so good for it! ♫OOOOHH…. I will be a good Mr. Gawne! I will remember the words to this song!♫ Hi santa, All I want for christmas is a lump of coal. Just imagine all the things you could do with coal! I will be the best Mr. Gawne ever! NOW GIVE ME THE LUMP OF COAL OR ELSE YOU WILL BE SORRY!!! NOW GIVE ME THE COAL ALREADY!!! Mr. Gawne I just sent it to santa! I can’t wait for the new lump of coal! December 14, 2018 Mr. Weishaupt Dear Diary, I hope Mr. Gawne does not do anything stupid, like send a letter to Santa and send it to Satan. That would be normal for him. But, I need to summon the illuminati by making its symbol in the snow. The official symbol of the illuminati. [tiktok logo] Yes. TikTok is a cult. A very evil one that wants to take over the world from its home planet of China because China is a seperate planet from Earth, while buying Musical.ly and TikTok and then merging them so they can laugh at homeless kids, and they want to take over the planet and all we can do is use ferrets to make us happy because ferrets are cute!!! If you watched Peladophobian, perhaps you would know that. And Whuh- what the CENSORED is mr. Gawne doing‽ Why is he running in the freeway‽ GET OUT OF THERE BEFORE YOU- Yeah. this is what I live with every single day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. December 22, 2018 Santa Dear diary, UGGH, Christmas is in 3 days, and the reindeer are on strike, the elves are messing around, and there are a lot of naughty children! What is happening to the Christmas spirit‽ Another thing, I do not go “HO HO HO!” like kids think. Do they think I’m fat⸮ WELL, I’M NOT! I AM VERY LEAN! ⁂ Prancer just told me that they want Rudolph to be exiled from the reindeer crew. I yelled “WHAT‽ HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN‽” Apparently, he was being a jerk to the other reindeer. He called the other reindeer useless. I can’t have this be in the north pole! This is a problem! So I went to Ruldolph’s stable, and guess what? He was writing IS STUPID on the other reindeers’ name tags, and IS AWESOME on his. But why? Why 3 days before Christmas? Ruldolph has been fired. December 24, 2018, 8:55 PM Mr. Gawne Oh my gosh! IT’S HAPPENING!!! SANTA IS ABOUT TO COME! I’ve been up on the roof for 1 hour now, and he’s almost going to be here! *2 hours later* Oh my gosh! IT’S HAPPENING!!! SANTA IS ABOUT TO COME! I’ve been up on the roof for 3 hours now, and he’s almost going to be here! *30 Minutes later* Wait, what’s that jingle? IT’S SANTA!!!! OH MY GOSH! YAAAAAAASSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY! TIME TO SET OFF THE FIREWORKS!!!!!! Why is Santa’s sleigh coming right for me? I know! He must be giving me a lump of coal! YAAAAAAAAY!!!! And he really made an entrance this year, being on fire and doing all those tricks! December 24, 2018, 11:25 PM Santa WOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! WHAAAAAATTTT IIIIIIIIISSSSSSS HHHHHAAAAAAAAPPPPPPEEEEEENNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGG‽ REINDEEER…. PAUSE!!! Phew, what happened? Then, an old fellow came up to me, and said “HI! Are you here to give me the lump of coal?” I said “Yes, but-“ Then, that rude person said “GIMME THE LUMP OF COAL NOW!!!” I told him that he wouldn’t get it because he wrecked the sleigh. He said, “I’m sorry! It was an accident! PLEASE!! Pretty please?” “No.” He started to growl, then leaped at me, but missed, then hit a concrete seesaw, which had a turtle mine in it, which exploded, and leaped him in the air, hitting an airplane, then went into wet cement, then another turtle mine exploded, and then the cement got hardened, and hit my nuclear reactor, which powered my sleigh. Then the reactor exploded. “Great job, you destroyed Christmas.” “Mmmph!” “For this, you will be turned into a snowman!” Nnnnooooo! Epilogue, June 3, 2019 Mr. gawne Darn it. I’m out of Fudgysickles, and Mr. Weishaput is out playing bowling. Might need to get out and buy
