Daisypaw: I just want someone to take me out. Petalpaw: On a date? Snowpaw: With a sniper gun? Brightpaw: Both if you're not a coward. Petalpaw, pointing to the wall: What color is this? Brightpaw: Gray. Daisypaw: Grey. Petalpaw, turning to Snowpaw: Now tell them what color you think it is. Snowpaw: Dark white. Snowpaw: *falls down the stairs* Daisypaw: Are you okay? Brightpaw: Stop falling down the stairs! Petalpaw: How’d the ground taste? Brightpaw: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something! Snowpaw: You left me, Daisypaw, and Petalpaw in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago. Brightpaw: I did that on purpose, try again. Brightpaw, pointing to Daisypaw and Petalpaw: Distract them! I'll be right back! *leaves* Snowpaw: Okay! *five minutes later* Brightpaw: *returns and sees Daisypaw and Petalpaw unconscious on the ground* What did you do? I said distract them, not knock them out! Snowpaw: There's just no pleasing you sometimes. Daisypaw: We need to distract these guys. Petalpaw: Leave it to me. Petalpaw: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Snowpaw & Brightpaw: *immediately begin arguing⛤ *Snowpaw drunkenly wanders around the house and Petalpaw is drunkenly giggling* Daisypaw, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the world, Brightpaw. Brightpaw, going to their room: Nope, just you. *shuts door* Snowpaw: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco. Petalpaw: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy. Brightpaw: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance. Daisypaw: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons. Petalpaw: You deserve a reward for putting up with me. Daisypaw: You are my reward. *meanwhile* Brightpaw: You deserve a reward for putting up with me. Snowpaw: True, you can be really difficult at times. Snowpaw: Everyone synchronise your watches. Brightpaw: I don't know how to do that. Petalpaw: I don't wear a watch. Daisypaw: Time is a construct. Brightpaw, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like? Daisypaw: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside* Petalpaw: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside* Snowpaw: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple* Brightpaw: I hate all of you. *The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword* Petalpaw: Rude. Snowpaw: That's fair. Daisypaw: Not again. Brightpaw: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it? Daisypaw, teaching Brightpaw to drive: Okay, you're driving and Petalpaw and Snowpaw walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit? Brightpaw: Oh, definitely Snowpaw. I could never hurt Petalpaw. Daisypaw, massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes. Petalpaw: I'm cold. Brightpaw: Here, take my hoodie. *meanwhile* Daisypaw: I'm cold. Snowpaw: I can't control the weather, Daisypaw. Petalpaw: Christmas is cancelled. Daisypaw: You can't cancel a holiday. Petalpaw: Keep it up, Daisypaw, and you'll lose New Year's too. Daisypaw: What does that mean? Petalpaw: Snowpaw, take New Year's away from Daisypaw. *The gang when they drop food on the floor* Petalpaw: Aw man. *Throws it away* Brightpaw: Five second rule! Snowpaw: Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? *Eats it off the floor* Daisypaw: *Sobs on the floor*
*Everyone is playing a board game together* Daisypaw: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'. Brightpaw: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'. Petalpaw: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'. Snowpaw: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'. Petalpaw: *flips the board* Petalpaw: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything? Daisypaw: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital. Petalpaw: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you. Daisypaw: But I heard a siren. Snowpaw: That was Brightpaw. Brightpaw: Sorry, I got nervous. Daisypaw: Time sensitive question how flirt boy. Snowpaw: Throw rocks at he. Brightpaw: Hot Dogs. Petalpaw: Kill him. Daisypaw: Thanks guys. Daisypaw: You know guys, sometimes I feel like Snowpaw doesn't take me seriously enough. Brightpaw: "Sometimes"? Petalpaw: "Enough"? Daisypaw: Petalpaw: Change that to 'at all' and we'll talk. Daisypaw: Where is Petalpaw? Snowpaw: I'll do you one better, who is Petalpaw?? Brightpaw: Here's a better question, why is Petalpaw? Daisypaw: I told Petalpaw to grab snacks for everyone. Snowpaw, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks? *Daisypaw, Petalpaw, and Brightpaw raise their hands* Daisypaw: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems. Brightpaw: Weight loss? Drink water. Petalpaw: Clear skin? Drink water. Snowpaw: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them. Petalpaw: What do we think of Brightpaw? *pause* Daisypaw: *sighs* Nice pal. Snowpaw: I think they're gay. Brightpaw: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS! Snowpaw: And here we have a capitalist. Daisypaw: Did you just- Petalpaw: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history, human language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible. Daisypaw: Hey guys I just found a new song I really like- Petalpaw: Is it about death? Daisypaw: No. Brightpaw: Is it about drugs? Snowpaw: Is it about sex? Daisypaw: NO- it's about happiness and peace and- Petalpaw, Brightpaw, and Snowpaw: Snowpaw, setting down a card: Ace of spades. Brightpaw, pulling out an Uno card: +4. Petalpaw, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you! Daisypaw, trembling: What are we playing?! *The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy* Daisypaw: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing? Petalpaw: No, Daisypaw. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs. Daisypaw: No, that’s not part of it— Petalpaw: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there? Snowpaw: I would want to live with no legs. Petalpaw: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Snowpaw. You don’t do anything. Daisypaw: All right, well, lets get back to it. ‘Cause you’re losing him. *Petalpaw pumps frantically* Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute. Petalpaw: Okay, that’s uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour? Brightpaw: How’s that gonna help you? Petalpaw: I will divide and then count to it. Brightpaw: Right. Daisypaw: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of ‘Staying Alive’ by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song? Petalpaw: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.
